


One Night, Last Night

by themidnightartemis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Awkward Dates, Ben Solo is a Consent King, Daddy Dom Ben Solo, Discussion of Abortion, Does it count as slow burn if they bang in chapter one, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, HEA, Kylo is Ben's dog, Light Dom/sub, Loosely inspired by What To Expect When You're Expecting, Minor Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Miscarriage, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, OSHA compliance is sexy, Older Man/Younger Woman, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Praise Kink, Sex, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Soft Ben Solo, Space Mom Leia Organa, Summer, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex, Weddings, asking for a friend, food truck au, then not again until chapter ten
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:09:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themidnightartemis/pseuds/themidnightartemis
Summary: Food truck rivals Rey and Ben have been playing games with each other all summer. What happens when they finally give in? One night may not be enough.*Next upload: 3/24*
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 90
Kudos: 220





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I've been holding out on you guys. I've been really proud of this chapter, but I've been sitting on it for a month. So happy holidays! Here's a gift :D 
> 
> I may or may not be doing an end of the year fic dump, so check out my page for more!

Out of all the months of the year, Rey hated August the most. The lines to the food truck always grew exponentially longer, the truck’s AC was long past the point of heat and humidity that the old beast could handle, and Hux and Rose always got into screaming matches this late in the season. 

At least the nights were cool. The Free Movie Series in the park always brought a crowd, so service was constant with only a few short pauses in orders. The movie played in the background while Rose chatted with customers and barked orders and all Rey had to do was prep and handoff. It was second nature to her after years of working at _Cantina Pho Sho_. 

Spanish-Vietnamese Fusion. It’s surprisingly damn delicious and all thanks to a drunken college night with Rose and Poe. Three years later, it’s still going strong.

No thanks to the arseholes in the truck beside them.

Though Rey was pretty sure the rivalry between the Cantina truck and the _First Order_ truck was what kept both of them in business. Over the years there had been a bet for who could get the most Instagram followers (Rose won). Then who could serve the most specials in one night (Hux). Then there was the daily race to the best spots downtown for the lunch and post-lunch rushes. Rey was extremely surprised one of them hadn’t crashed yet, especially after bearing witness to Rose’s driving over the years. 

She wouldn’t give it up for anything. Even if she was sweating profusely and had already soaked through three towels. The rush had her slaving over the grill for a solid three hours non-stop, but it was slowing up now that the movie had started. They had already sold out of one of their specials- Spicy Seafood Paella with a side of spring rolls, topped with Rose’s homemade sweet and sour sauce. Fried deliciousness. The other special was more Americanized, just to piss off the _First Order_ boys. It was a burger topped with their pickled Bánh mì veggies, swiss cheese, chilies, and cilantro. 

It was inevitable that at some point either Hux or Ben would come stomping over to the truck and make wild accusations that they were stealing their business. Even though their line was just as long. Rey swore that it was just so that Hux would have the excuse to talk to Rose, but Rose swore it was so that Ben could talk to Rey. 

Which was a ridiculous idea. 

Ben had never shown anything but utter contempt for either of them. And it had become something of a game to her find the best ways to piss him off. 

Hence the Bahn mi burger. 

“Rey!” 

Rey jolted out of her reverie at the sound of Rose’s voice. The short Vietnamese woman was perched on the box that let her see outside the window. She was wearing that expression that she always wore when Rey got distracted on the job. 

It’s not her fault- Rey couldn’t help if cooking was like meditation to her. 

“Yeah?”

Rose sighed, though there was a little smile on her face as if she knew exactly what, or who, Rey had been thinking about. “How many burgers left?”

Rey made quick stock of their dwindling supplies. “Only five. Push the spring rolls and the empanadas.”

They had a large menu in reality, but since they operated only out of the truck, the menu rotated weekly and Rose and Poe were always coming up with new ideas and trying out new recipes. They hadn’t expected to sell out tonight, which meant that she’d spend most of tomorrow gathering and preparing supplies. She wasn’t complaining one bit as long as Rose and Poe were the ones that handled the finances (She was decent at math, but accounting made her brain hurt). 

Not twenty minutes later, they had sold off the last of their specials and Rose had struck them off of their chalkboard menu. Distantly, she could hear the opening credits of _Mama Mia!_ Rey could only wonder how long ABBA would be stuck in her head. 

Orders slowed to their horchata chè drink and churros as people moved from dinner to desserts. Rey wrapped up the last order before there was a pause in the line and had only just stripped her gloves and wiped her hands when there was a rapid banging on the back door. 

“Hey!” _Bang, bang, bang._ “Hey!”

Rey sighed and rolled her eyes at Rose, though they both had smirks on their faces. Rey stripped off her apron and towels. “I’ll handle him.”

“Oh, handle him?” Rose wriggled her brows suggestively and Rey threw her dirty towel at the woman. “Take a break while you’re at it.”

“Okay, mom.” Rey laughed and plucked a freshly fried churro from the pile of them. She jumped as there were three more bangs on the back door. She pushed it open quickly, forcing the man behind them to jump back. 

Ben crossed his arms and scowled at the sight of her. 

“What do you want?” Rey jumped down from the truck and closed the door behind her. 

“What do you mean what do I want? I want you to stop stealing our food.” Ben stood a good foot taller than her. His long dark hair had been braided back in three rows to form a bun on top of his head. Rey had never been a fan of man buns, but… 

“We are not _stealing_ anything. Stealing would imply that you have something worth taking.” 

Oh, that got him. It satisfied Rey to no end to watch Ben Solo get riled up. She’d never met anyone as intense about food as he was. She took a bite out of her churro and started moving to the back of their truck. It faced away from the crowd towards the park’s pond, which was fairly dark and isolated. 

“At least we don’t ruin them with whatever shit you put on them.” Ben hissed as he followed her around the truck’s corner.

“At least we don’t give people heart attacks on purpose.”

“Heart attacks are the American way. You know it and that’s why you’re stealing our burgers.”

“Hmm… Did you sell out tonight?” Rey raised her brows. 

“We would have if you weren’t stealing our business!”

“We aren’t stealing your- You know what you are?” 

“What?” 

“You’re a difficult man, that’s what. You don’t own burgers, you know that right?” Churro forgotten, Rey put her hands on her hips, trying to match the giant man before her. It wasn’t fair that on top of being tall he was also ridiculously fit. She knew just by looking at him that he could pick her up and pin her against- she was getting off-topic. 

“I’m a difficult- I’m difficult? You’re difficult. Maybe I wouldn’t be so “difficult” if you weren’t always taking our customers and stealing our food.”

“Oh my god, seriously? Are you mental? Are you really telling me that you think that someone who wanted bacon and eggs and cheese with a side of heart attack on their slab of frozen cow meat you dare call a burger would be so easily swayed from the dark side to have a gourmet burger with pickled veggies?”

“Our meat is fresh and you know it.”

“Fresh from where? McDonald’s?”

Ben’s jaw dropped. He looked almost as if Rey had just slapped him in the face or kicked his puppy. “Are you calling my burgers flat?”

“No, just wondering why you’re trying to murder your regulars.” 

Ben looked capable of murder at that moment. The tips of his ears had gone beet red, his lips were pressed into a tight line and there was something dangerous in his eyes. So why the fuck did that completely turn her on?

“At least I don’t give my regulars food poisoning.”

“That was one time with a new cook and you fucking know it.” Rey stepped forward to jab her finger in his chest. “Maybe the reason everyone comes to our truck is because we’re not a bunch of arseholes.”

He huffed a laugh at that as he looked down at her. _Gods he was so tall._ Her heart raced when she realized how close together they were standing. He was close enough she could reach out and touch those muscular arms or run her fingers through his dark hair to pull out that ridiculous bun. 

“You know what I think?” 

Her heart stopped at the low rumble in his voice. She could feel herself getting wet and hated it. Her mouth went dry and she licked her lips with only made his eyes drop to them and everything worse. He looked back up at her with that stupid smirk on his face and Rey snarled. “What?”

“I think you like this.”

“If you think I like anything to do with you you’re sorely mistaken.” Lies. Big bloody lies. 

His eyes dipped down to her lips as he stepped forward, forcing Rey to take a step back. “I think you sit around all day coming up with ways to piss me off. Just so you can see me.”

Another step forward. Another step back. Rey’s heart was beating so hard she could swear it was leaping out of her chest. He was close enough she could smell him- sweat and charcoal and fire and something heady, musty. 

“You know I can take whatever I want.” His eyes flicked up to meet hers, dark and dilated. She’d forgotten how to speak. 

Her back hit the truck jarring her enough to remember to be angry. “Fuck. You.”

He grinned and slowly leaned into her, bracing his hands on either side of her head. She was frozen beneath him, refusing to look at his bloody kissable lips. Refusing to acknowledge the heat between her thighs and the want in her gut. He held her eyes for a moment, heavy and hooded. He seemed to be trying to make a decision as he searched her face. He leaned in closer and her breath hitched, shaking at his nearing. His lips brushed against her cheek. “If I’m right…. I’ll be waiting for you.”

“And if you’re wrong?” She wasn’t sure how she found the words. Her voice shook as she said them. 

Ben pulled back and grinned. His eyes slowly caressed over her lips to her eyes. “I’m not wrong, sweetheart.”

“We’ll see about that.” Rey pushed away from the truck and slipped out under his arm. He let her go, but she could feel him watching. Legs shaking, Rey broke into a half run towards the park bathrooms after she rounded the corner. 

_Fuck him._

_That arsehole._

_That complete pretentious prick._

_Who the fuck did he think he was?_

_Who the fuck-_

Rey ran cold water over her wrists and splashed her face. When she looked in the mirror all she saw was frizzy, greasy, sweaty hair peeking out from under her green bandanna, red hot cheeks, and sweaty skin. She sniffed her armpits and gagged. At least she had taken the time to shave yesterday. 

At least?!? 

No. 

She was not going to meet him after work. She was not going to give that arsehole the time of the fucking day, no matter how good he smelled. No matter how wet just his voice made her. No matter that she had fantasized about those hands for months. 

Fucker. 

Rey dried her face off and left the bathroom. There was no line that she could see in front of her truck, so she took her time walking back, pausing to watch Donna, Rosie, and Tanya reunite. It had been years since she watched Mamma Mia. 

Eventually hurried past the _First Order_ trunk and jumped back into the back of _Cantina Pho Sho_ food truck. 

Rose looked utterly bored at the counter. “What’d he say?”

Rey froze before remembering that she wasn’t talking about Ben’s _proposition._ “He was pissed about the burger.” Rey rolled her eyes and tried to wave away any suspicion. “He literally said we were stealing his food.”

Rose snorted. “You can’t steal a burger.”

“That’s what I said! He’s such an arse.”

“He’s got a nice arse.” Rose winked. “They both do.”

“I can’t believe you think Hux is hot.” Rey grabbed her inventory sheets as she tried to steer the conversation away from Ben. If Rose ever found out what had actually happened behind the truck, the woman would never let it go. 

“It’s just… something about gingers.” Rose stared wistfully out the window. “I could climb him like a tree.”

With Rose off in La La Land thinking about Hux, Rey settled into taking stock of all the items she’d need to get tomorrow. 

The rest of the night went slowly with only a few people coming up during the movie to drinks or dessert. They usually left a little half-way through the movie to beat the crowds leaving. After fifteen minutes of no new customers, Rose shut the ordering windows and helped Rey pack up. 

She wasn’t going to meet him. 

She wasn’t. 

She was going to walk straight to her car. 

Rey closed up the back door of the truck and waved Rose off. 

She knew Ben drove. She had seen him drive in. The _First Order_ truck had already taken off. 

She walked towards the park's parking lot and spied him instantly. It wasn’t hard to spot him leaning against his old Chevy impala, arms crossed, with a scowl on his face. He was looking over at the large movie screen, not at her. She could still make it to her car and take off. 

So why did her feet turn towards him? Rey scowled at herself and cursed her vagina brain. Just because it wanted to get dicked down so bad, didn’t mean that she wanted to. 

Okay. She wanted to. 

Just not with the arsehole who would hold it over her head for as long as he could. No matter how much chemistry they may or may not have. No matter that it was always him in her fantasies. 

Rey groaned inwardly as she walked through the parking lot towards him. His eyes were still on the movie. She could still turn around. She smelled. She’d have to somehow get from wherever he lived back to her car. And there’d be a walk of shame. Rose would wonder where she was when she’d got back to their apartment and Rey wasn’t there already. If she thought Ben would never let it go, Rose would never ever let it go. 

Rey sighed and Ben finally looked away from the movie to see her standing at his car. His lips parted as confusion swept quickly over his features. He hadn’t expected her to actually show up. 

To be fair, Rey hadn’t expected it either. 

She kept her scowl on her face and walked to his passenger side door. He scrambled to unlock the car and it took everything in her to not smile at the little heart attack she had given him. So she wasn’t the only one affected. Good to know. 

Rey climbed into the passenger seat and Ben into the driver's. He looked over at her like he couldn’t believe she was really there. Rey stared ahead. “Not a word.”

That seemed to snap him back to the arsehole she knew. “Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.”

This was the part she hated. The awkward part of going to the apartment. The weird limbo phase where no one knew what to say but knew exactly what was going to happen. Granted, she hadn’t hooked up with anyone in a while. The last time had been a disaster, just like her last relationship had been a disaster. 

Luckily his condo wasn’t far from the park, but it was in a nice area. New developments and little boutiques and coffee shops. It was a far cry from her and Rose’s slightly shitty, slightly sketchy apartment complex near downtown.

Not just an asshole but a wealthy asshole at that. How the hell did he afford this place working at a food truck? She and Rose did well, but they still barely made enough to get through the slow winter months. 

Ben hadn’t said a word since they started driving, but he kept glancing over at her like she wouldn’t notice. Part of her wondered if this was a horrible idea. The other part was looking at his grip on the steering wheel.

They turned into underground parking and Ben parked in the assigned parking spot closest to the elevator because of course, he had that. The car engine turned off and neither of them moved. 

Ben looked over at her and she at him and the first thing out of her mouth was, “Can I use your shower?”

Ben gave her a strange look. 

“I just- I’ve been sweating all day and I smell like a donkey’s arse. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like you’re any better, but at least I don’t smell like a big mac.”

“At least I don’t smell like pickled cabbage.” Ben grinned. “You can use my shower if you tell me I was right.”

_Oh, fuck off._

Rey stared him down trying to find the guts to admit it, but not wanting to give the arsehole the satisfaction. She bit her lip as she tried to figure a way out of it, watching as Ben’s eyes dipped to her lips as she did. She scoffed. “You’re one to make ultimatums. I think you like that I piss you off.”

A grin curled at his lips and Rey felt his satisfaction in her core. His eyes traveled slowly down her body then back up again. “I like the challenge. Now say it.”

_Fuck._

Rey’s breath caught and the smirk he gave her at that only pissed her off more. She turned away from him, crossed her arms over her chest like a petulant, angry child, and grumbled, “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Ben turned away and pulled the keys from the ignition. “You can shower, sweetheart.”

“Wow. Thanks.”

“And after you shower I’m going to eat you out until you’re begging for me to fuck you.”

He said it so casually that Rey almost couldn’t process it. He unfolded himself from the driver’s seat. Rey stayed frozen in hers until the door slammed shut and jolted her out of her shock. She stepped out of the car, surprised that her legs were still stable enough to follow him to the elevator. 

She was really doing this. 

Fuck. 

She really was. 

Ben pressed the button for the top floor with a shit-eating grin on his face. He was enjoying this. The fucker. He raised a brow as he looked down at her and saw her glaring.“Is there a problem, princess?”

“No.” She said it a little too quickly, her face reddening.

The elevator doors slid open and Ben led her down the hall to an end unit. The door opened with a small fob on his keychain and Rey tried not to roll her eyes at how incredibly extra it was. 

The door swung open and Ben turned on the lights as he stepped in. Rey followed, her mouth dropping as she took in the apartment. It looked like something out of a magazine. Two walls of windows looked out over the shopping and recreation area. There was a massive TV and a leather sectional couch in the giant living area. But the real jewel was the giant kitchen and a stove with one of those water taps over the stove for filling pots. Excessive and unnecessary and miles away from the tiny galley kitchen that she and Rose shared. Everything was dark and natural-toned in blues and blacks and dark browns and charcoal grey. 

There was a small whine from the corner and Rey looked over to see a rather large blanket-covered kennel.

“Oh, that’s Kylo. He’s not great with strangers.” Ben had that little lost look on his face again. “I’m just going to take him out to the park for a bit. Ah… the shower is down the hall to the left.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.”

Ben ran a hand over his braids as they stood awkwardly together. “Rey-”

“I should go shower. I’ll go do that now.” She took a step towards the hall. Something in his voice terrified her. The way he said her name… It wasn’t like when he called her ‘sweetheart’ or ‘princess’. It was all too real. 

“Wait.” Ben reached for her and caught her hand, stalling her. Rey stared down at the place where their hands connected. She’d never touched him before. He waited until she was looking back up at him to continue. “We don’t have to do anything. I can take you back to your car or call you a cab or call Rose. If that’s what you want, at _any time,_ just say the word and it will be done.”

He said it so earnestly that words were knocked out of her. In all of her flings and relationships, no one had ever said that to her. Rey nodded and Ben let go of her hand. 

“I’ll be back in a couple of minutes. Remember what I said.”

The dark, dangerous look in his eye had returned. It took everything in her body not to flee to the bathroom. She shut and locked the door behind her, breathing hard as she took in the bathroom that was, no surprise, just as bougie as the rest of the condo. Marble tile flowed into a walk-in shower. There was a giant tub big enough for two people overlooking a window. The only signs of life she had seen so far in his place were the grooming products on the double vanity and the bottles of product in the shower. Rey stripped quickly and turned on the shower, waiting only a few seconds for the water to reach scalding temperatures and jumping in. Gods, the water pressure was amazing, too.

She soaked under the rain head for a while, letting the water take away the stress of the day and attempt to relax the knots in her shoulders. Surprisingly, the shower was full of products. There wasn’t a 4-in-1 bottle to be seen anywhere. She had never even heard of or seen most of the brands, so it took a while for her to find body wash and shampoo and conditioner. All three smelled like heaven. Like she was soaking in him. 

_And after you shower I’m going to eat you out until you’re begging for me to fuck you._

Rey gasped and dropped the conditioner bottle with a curse. She picked it up and put it back. Curiously she reached between her thighs and gaped at the slippery wetness she found there. She cleaned the area thoroughly with water and a little bit of unscented soap she had discovered. Each touch sent a jolt through her system as she pictured him between her thighs. The touch of his hands against her skin. Sheer torture. 

And he was waiting for her right outside. 

Rey shut off the water and stepped out of the shower. She found a cabinet full of huge, fluffy, white towels and wrapped one around herself, and used another to towel dry her hair. Her sad pile of clothes sat on the counter, but the last thing she wanted to do was put her grease-stained t-shirt and sweaty jean shorts back on. Could she just walk out there with the towel on? It might help speed things up. Cut to the chase, as Rose liked to say. 

Fuck, Rose.

Rey found her phone in her pile of clothes and sent off a quick text with a little white lie about Kaydel and drinks and not to wait up. She was definitely going to hell for this one. 

Nerves curled in her stomach to make a nest there and Rey took a deep breath. If he wasn’t back, she could sneak into his room and grab one of his t-shirts or something. And if he was back, the towel would do. It wasn’t like she was going to hide anything from him tonight. 

Rey left her clothes in the bathroom and stepped out into the hall. Her heart raced as a rustle in the kitchen told Rey that Ben was back already. His back was turned to her as she appeared. He had a glass of whiskey in one hand and was looking through a liquor cabinet with the other. “Do you want a drink?”

She didn’t want a drink, she decided. She wanted him to make due on his promise. She wanted to be fucked six ways to Sunday. Rey let her towel fall to the floor. 

Ben turned at the sound to see her. “Fuck.”

“That’s the idea.” She quipped. “I seem to remember you making a promise earlier.” 

He downed the glass in one sip and set the glass on the counter. A cheeky smirk tugged at the corner of his full lips. His eyes unabashedly roamed over her skin and Rey fought against the urge to cover herself from his unadulterated gaze. “I did, didn’t I. Come here.”

She rolled her eyes at his command but stepped forward gingerly. The apartment’s AC chilled her skin as she moved and forced her nipples into hard points. “Are you always this demanding?”

Ben chuckled and the deep sound went straight to her cunt. All the wetness she had wiped away in the shower was back in full force. “You don’t know the half of it, sweetheart.”

He leaned back against the kitchen counter, watching as she slowly stepped closer. His intense gaze was taking every inch of her in. She looked away when it became too much for her, snapping, “Are we going to do this, or are you just going to stand there like an arse and-”

Ben’s lips crashed into hers, taking Rey by surprise. She was in his hands in seconds as he pushed her back against the kitchen island. His lips were warm and soft and salty and demanding against her own. When her brain finally kicked into gear, she kissed him back, letting him in when his tongue demanded entrance. His hands pulled her flush against him and wound through her hair to tip her head back. 

He pulled away, leaving her gasping. “You drive me so fucking insane.”

Lips and teeth attacked her neck, leaving her breathless and unable to answer with anything except the little moans that escaped her lips. His fingers brushed against her nipple and she whimpered beneath him. She let her hands roam over his back and sides, feeling the strength beneath her fingertips. He was still completely dressed and she was completely naked and it wasn’t fair. Rey tugged at his shirt and he broke away from her with a smile. 

“For someone who thinks I’m an asshole, you’re sure eager.”

Rey scowled. “Will you just shut up and fuck me.”

“Ask nicely and I might.”

Rey pressed her lips together, but Ben only grinned. “That’s okay. I’ll get it out of you eventually. I’m a patient man.”

He had her trapped between the counter and himself. Every time she took in a breath, her chest rose to touch him. She pressed her thighs together, trying to gain some sort of relief from the growing pressure between her legs. Ben leaned in, his lips brushing against her ear and sending a shiver down her spine. “Have you ever sat on someone’s face?”

_Fuck._

_Fuck fuck fuck._

She was so fucked. Rey shook her head. 

“Use your words, sweetheart.”

“No.”

“Would you like to?”

She was trembling beneath his touch. Her whole body was on fire and drawn like a magnet into him. “Yes.”

“Yes…?”

“Yes, please.”

Ben nibbled at her ear, sending shockwaves of pleasure through her. “Good girl.”

Rey whimpered as his words went straight to her core. 

He stepped away from her and Rey felt the loss of his body immediately. He took her hand and led her out of the kitchen and down the hall to the door on the right. She didn’t get to see much of his bedroom before he was pulling her back to him, his mouth devouring her hungrily as he took complete control of the situation and she handed it to him willingly. 

This man. This man could do whatever he wanted to her. Gods, it had been so long since someone touched her. She couldn’t remember anyone ever touching her like this. 

Two massive hands scooped under her thighs and suddenly she was in the air. Rey clung onto him, exploring his mouth with her tongue as he crossed the room and carried her into bed. He tossed her gently down and his mouth moved over her neck to her breasts to her stomach to-

Rey gasped as he knelt at the edge of the bed and pulled her swiftly towards him. His hot tongue traced lines against her thighs. Ben’s eyes locked with hers as he leaned forward and licked a soft line over her clit. Rey gasped loudly and let her head fall back as Ben buried his face between her legs. He was a quick learner and Rey wasn’t bashful about her wanton moans. A thick finger prodded at her entrance and Rey arched to accept it. A jolt raced through her body as Ben’s finger slowly moved inside her, hooking to gently caress over her G spot. His pace was bordering on torturous, but she was so close. 

Rey came with a cry and Ben followed her through it. He pulled off of her with an embarrassingly wet pop. “Gods, you’re so fucking wet for me. You’re so fucking perfect, sweetheart. Such a good girl, coming for me.”

Rey whimpered as Ben buried his face into her again, licking and sucking at her clit until she was coming again. He came up to meet her this time, his mouth still wet with her and a soft smile on his face. He kissed her and she tasted herself on her lips and an aftershock exploded across her skin. He pressed his hips between her legs. She could feel him through his jeans, realizing with a moan that he was massive. His hips twitched, pressing his length harder against her. “Do you have something to say, sweetheart?”

Rey whimpered as he slowly ground against her with just enough friction to drive her insane. “Just fuck me.”

Ben chuckled. “I’m afraid that’s not quite what I’m looking for. Let’s try again. On your knees, grab the headboard.”

Rey raised her brow at his command. 

“Now, Rey.” With a huff, she flipped over and crawled up the massive king-sized bed to grip the headboard. “Keep your eyes forward.”

Rey stared at the wall in front of her, trying to ignore how much her thighs were shaking from coming twice. She’d never done that before with someone. Her breath caught as she heard a zipper and the sound of clothes coming off. Part of her wanted to turn around to catch a glimpse, but there was another part of her, one she hadn’t really known that she had, that wanted to obey. That wanted him to call her a good girl again. 

Rey took a deep steadying breath as the bed sank behind her with Ben’s weight. He moved closer and it took everything in her not to look back in curiosity. Her questions were answered when she felt him slowly shimmy between her thighs. Wordlessly, he gripped her thighs with massive hands and brought her down onto his face. Rey moaned at the new angle and control, She was scared for a moment until Ben pulled her down further to bury himself in her. A hand fell to his hair and her fingers tangled in his braids, pulling them loose as she rode him. 

She came with a loud moan, her thighs quivering and struggling to stay up. But when she tried to pull away, Ben’s hands locked around her thighs. He didn’t let go until she was cumming again. He let go and Rey collapsed into the bed. Her thighs were unable to support her any longer. She was half in it, half in a daze as her cunt clenched around nothing. She wanted nothing more than to feel him in her. To take what he wanted from her. “Please.”

Ben appeared at the edges of her vision, blurry and ethereal. His hands gently moved her until he was hovering over top of her. A grin on his face. His bare chest was right there and Rey reached out to drag her fingers over it. He shuddered under her touch before catching her hands and bringing them to his lips. She watched in fascination as he sucked two of her fingers into his mouth. His beautiful, perfect, amazing, fuckable mouth. He released them with a pop. “Please, what, princess?”

Rey whined and arched beneath him, not wanting to say the words aloud. Frustrated that he had not had her yet.

“Use your words. What do you want?”

Gods, he was such an asshole. Rey groaned. His hand snuck between her thighs and swirled around her clit, causing another oversensitive shockwave to pass through her. “What do you want, Princess?”

He took one of her breasts in his mouth and sucked gently, rolling the nipple with her tongue. It was a slow, torturous movement. He wouldn't give in, not until she gave him what he wanted. 

“Please… please, fuck me, Ben.” Rey arched beneath him, trying to pull him into her and find some relief. Ben cursed softly.

“You’re so perfect. So wet.” Ben sat back on his haunches and Rey got her first full view of him in the soft golden light of the room. His hair was utterly debauched by her fingertips. Black and wavy and messy and falling gently over his eyes. He ran his hands through it as he looked down at her with hungry eyes. Rey drank in his broad chest and the light flex of his abs down to- fuck. Rey’s eyes widened. Ben caught her surprise and grinned like the cocky asshole he was. “Don’t worry sweetheart, you’ll make it fit, I know you will.”

She hated him. She really did. Of course, she would. Of course, she would do anything to hear his gravelly praise that had her soaking his sheets. 

Ben chuckled darkly as Rey rolled her eyes. He leaned over to pull a condom from his bedside table. In seconds he had it over his length and he was on her again nibbling and sucking over her collar bone, two fingers gently spreading her apart. She was so wet and warm and ready for him that she barely felt one finger, then two, stretching her. Rey whimpered under his slow and methodical touch. “Please. Please, d-”

Ben pulled away and Rey cursed her stupid brain. A slow grin spread across his lips. “What was that, sweetheart?”

Rey looked away, embarrassment creeping in. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” An eyebrow raise, a crook of his fingers, a thumb grazing over her sensitive clit. Rey gasped as a wave of pain and pleasure rolled through her. 

“Stop playing with me, please. Please fuck me. Please.” She was reduced to this, completely under his control but still fighting against it. She clawed at his skin, trying to pull him into her.

“Say it, princess.”

The finger on her clit sped up, making it nearly impossible to speak as her body tensed and chased a deep, rolling orgasm. It hit her like a freight train and her body tried to pull away from his fingers. He held on to her, finger fucking her through it. 

“Please! Please, daddy.” Was she crying? She might be crying. 

“Fuck.” Ben gasped and paused, taking a deep breath. His fingers slid from her and Rey gave a choking gasp. Her body had turned to jelly under his hands and tongue. His hands brushed away her hair from her face and Rey whimpered. “If you want me to stop, say red, okay sweetheart?”

Rey shook her head ‘no’. “M-mmm. Don’t stop.”

He was a hazy golden figure over her. His smile was enough to send shivers through her. “I’m going to fuck you now, princess. You’re going to take me so well. So warm and wet and ready for me.”

His head pressed against her entrance and slowly pushed in. His groan matched her own as Rey sank her nails into his back. Utter bliss washed over her as he lowered himself over her, slowly pressing in and stretching. 

“So good. Such a good girl. Taking me so well.”

He was ruining her for anyone else. She would never be able to let go after this. 

Ben bottomed out in her with a grunt. She squirmed beneath him, so full. So complete. If he didn’t start moving soon she was going to scream. She couldn’t hear herself anymore, only a steady roar in her ears and his words and moans echoing over her. Her lips moved and babbled and cursed until they found purchase against the soft skin of his neck. 

He pulled out of her and sank back in and Rey cried out, already halfway to another orgasm. His slow pace steadily increased. His breath whispered sweet affirmations in her ear as she trembled and came beneath him. He pulled her close to him, his face buried in her neck as his hips snapped into her building to a brutal pace. She came again as his hips stuttered and he came with her. 

He trailed gentle kisses over her skin as he pulled out of her. He left her, stepping out of the bed and tossing the used condom in the trash. Rey whimpered at the sudden loss of contact. Ben brushed the hair from her face. “I'll be back in a second, sweetheart.”

He left the room and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness crashed over her. By the time he came back she was curled up in his sheets, crying.

“Fuck, sweetheart.” Ben set something down on the nightstand and took her in his warm hands. “Is something wrong?”

Rey shook her head. 

“Just a lot?”

She nodded frantically.

It was exactly what she needed. A huge release that she was coming down from. Ben wiped the tears gently from her eyes and pressed a kiss to her temple. “It’s okay to cry, sweetheart. Here, let me help you up. Drink some water.”

She let him help her sit up and took the water from him. The cool liquid brought here back closer to reality. Ben’s fingers drew soft circles against her thighs. He reached for a cloth and pressed it against her thighs gently cleaning her with the warm damp cloth. She watched him over the rim of her glass as he took care of her. Her own feelings were a jumbled compliant mess as she tried to merge the asshole she knew and the man before her into one. Sleep was slowly about to take over her. She’d never stayed the night before. She had never wanted to. 

She almost felt high from his touch. 

Ben set the cloth to the side and came back with a handful of hard pretzels. Rey giggled as he pressed one to her lips before opening her mouth and taking it from him. 

“What are you doing?” She whispered. 

Ben grinned softly. “Taking care of you.”

“No one's ever done this before.”

Ben pressed another pretzel to her lips and she took it dutifully. “They should.”

Something foreign and terrifying flipped in her chest. Rey swallowed it down and looked away from him. “I should use the restroom.” 

Ben nodded and let her get out of bed. She made her way to the bathroom on shaky legs, peed, and looked at her clothes on the counter. Should she stay? She was falling asleep as she peed. 

She should go. 

Rey grabbed her clothes and waddled back to the bedroom. 

Fuck him. She was going to be sore tomorrow. 

Ben stood from the bed when she came back. He’d thrown on boxers and was checking through his phone. He looked up with that cheeky grin on his face. “My turn.”

He kissed her as he passed her. A moment later, she heard the shower water start. Rey set her clothes on the bed and popped a pretzel in her mouth. She found one of Ben’s black t-shirts in the closet and pulled it on. She felt like she was floating still. Maybe that’s why she laid down in the bed and curled up in his sheets. She would just close her eyes for a minute. Just a minute. 

Just one minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you'd like more! I have a few more chapters of this already written, but I think this works well as a one-shot, too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space lovers suck at communication. Space baby gets some unexpected news.

She woke with a jolt in the early hours of the morning, disorientated with an ache between her thighs. The pillow beneath her cheek wasn’t hers. There was too much light creeping in for it to be her windows. The sheets and comforter were too thick and soft to be her own. A strong arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her close into a broad, warm chest. 

Rey froze as she slowly realized where she was and who she was with. Ben shifted behind her and Rey gasped at the hardness pressing into her lower back. The night came back in full force and Rey bit back a groan. 

Why the hell had she cried so much? She never cried. Especially when she had sex and especially in front of the man who was supposed to be her mortal enemy. 

_ Arsehole. Fucker.  _

She had no idea what had taken over her last night but she knew it wasn't her. She had begged him for his dick. She never begged. And called him- Rey groaned into the pillow. She called him daddy. Fucking daddy. And she liked it. 

She had to get out of there before Ben woke up and realized what a huge mistake he made. Or maybe this was just his style. He knew what he was doing, that was for sure. 

She didn't know. Or care to find out. All she knew was that there was no way this could really mean anything. 

She pushed away at the sad feeling in her gut. It was just a one night stand. She didn't mean anything to him. To think anything else was just setting herself up for disappointment. 

Rey slowly untangled herself from him, pulled on her shorts, and crept out to the living room. Her phone had enough charge to map out the route back to the park. It was only a twenty-minute walk and if she put her hair up and tucked Ben’s shirt into her shorts she looked almost presentable. Minus the balled-up shirt in her arms hiding her bra and underwear and wallet. 

Not wanting to wait around, Rey slipped on her shoes and hurried out the door. 

...

When he woke up, she was already gone. The spot where he had found her after his shower and curled around her had gone cold. She must have left a while ago. He tried not to let the disappointment in his gut consume him. It wasn't like he asked her on a date. 

It all felt like a dream. He hadn’t even been legitimately pissed about the stupid burger like Hux was. He just wanted to see her. Wanted to have a stupid fight and watch her get as riled up as he did. It was that gleam in her eye, that smirk that told him that she genuinely enjoyed pissing him off. And, well, he’d gotten carried away after she all but admitted it to him. 

She was stubborn and so beautiful to break. 

Never in a million years did he think she would actually meet him. Let alone come home with him and let him do unspeakable things to her. It had taken two glasses of whiskey to stop his hands from shaking. 

He didn't know what he wanted now. There was a small part of him that had hoped she would still be there when he woke up. That he would make her pancakes and maybe she’d let him eat her out again. 

She tasted like nothing else he’d had before. So sweet and wet it made his mouth water. He could go down on her and never resurface. 

Ben took himself guiltily in hand, his mind fresh with images of her. He could still hear the sounds she made as she came, how her thighs shook as she rode his face. 

It didn't take him long to cum, though it left him feeling more numb and empty than ever. He cleaned himself off with the damp, cold towel on his nightstand and rolled out of bed. 

Ben threw on clothes to take Kylo out and grab a coffee. He didn't have her number, but he knew he would see her again before the season was over. 

Ben wasn't foolish enough to think that this would change anything. It was a moment of weakness for both of them. She’d go back to pissing him off and hating him and trying to forget what they had done. He was sure of it. And he was sure he wouldn't let her. 

She was right. He was an asshole.

...

Rey was convinced that the next two weeks were her karmic penance for sleeping with Ben. August was the last month of their peak season and it brought with it the state fair and 100-degree humid heat. The state fair meant that they were making bank and selling out well before the nightly fireworks. But her karmic luck had thought it would be hilarious to break the AC during the hottest days of the year. Every repair company was swamped already when she called and they all laughed at her when she mentioned they were at the fair. 

The truck couldn’t leave without losing its spot. Losing their spot would mean thousands of dollars in lost revenue, which they couldn't afford. So, when she wasn’t dying over a hot grill in a glorified tin can, she was screwing with the AC in the back. But she was only so good with duct tape and her white trash repair methods learned from spending far too many years with Unkar Plutt. 

There were two things she was grateful for though. First and foremost being Poe who was a saint for taking the week off from his accounting job to offer a third pair of hands, meaning that Rey could actually take a break in one of the nearby air-conditioned buildings. Poe had also brought his boyfriend Finn, who, when he was not obsessing over the newest farm animal he had discovered, was a pro at dicing, had great music taste, and was enough of a mom friend to keep them all from dying of dehydration. 

The second thing she was grateful for was the fact that The  _ First Order _ food truck was all the way on the other side of the fairgrounds in the second truck row. It was over half a mile away and you had to go around the main stage to even get there. 

Out of sight. Out of mind. 

She couldn’t avoid him forever. She knew they would cross paths again at some point. 

It was just all too confusing. The things he said to her. The way he had taken care of her in almost every sense of the word. The memory of that night fueled her fantasies and destroyed any idea of anyone or anything else. Every time she thought about it she had to take a seat and fan herself like a Victorian woman with hysteria. She didn’t have any choice but to stay away from him. And his eyes. Those fucking hands. That deliciously sinful mouth. 

She should find somewhere to cool down. The actual heat and humidity of the day was not helping things. She’d been downing water, but it wasn’t helping either of her headaches. Because that’s what he was. A headache. A miserable, sexy, adorable, secretly sweet headache. 

One that would probably never happen again. Ben Solo didn’t seem like the girlfriend type. If he was, he would have asked her out by now. 

The sun beat down on her as she tore into the AC unit for what felt like the millionth time. She’d grown up with the heat. Desert heat. She could handle triple digits in the desert easily. But this humid heat bullshit was the bane of her existence. 

The next time they talked, would they even acknowledge the deed or would they both pretend like nothing happened? Would it become a regular thing? Her body screamed “absolute yes it should become a thing” while her heart screamed “oh, gods, please, no” and her head reminded her of the three shitty boyfriends and two hookups that had come before Ben. 

The compressor in front of her wavered slightly in her vision and Rey frowned. She tried to blink the swaying motions away and wipe the sweat dripping from her eyes. The world beneath her feet swayed and Rey gripped onto the back of the truck. 

The world around her spun and tipped sideways before everything went black. 

...

Lugging a portable AC fan half a mile across varying degrees of rugged terrain through crowds of people and piles of horse shit on a 100-plus-degree day was not his brightest idea. If he was less of a stubborn man, Ben would have turned back about five hundred feet away from the truck and taken Hux’s ‘I told you so’ looks without complaint. He, however, was a stubborn man. And he had definitely gone a little crazy thinking about her. Which may have lead to him stalking the  _ Cantina Pho Sho  _ Instagram and Facebook pages. Which may have told him that their AC was broken. Which may have given him the hair-brained excuse to go see her, back up AC in tow. 

That is if he didn't die on the way there. He stopped in one of the educational Ag buildings for a few minutes and watched hundreds of fair attendees wander from pavilion to pavilion. Why the hell did they have the fair on the hottest week of the year? Each year. Without fail. 

Eventually, he made it to food truck row where he spent another ten minutes trying to find the damn truck- which shouldn't have been that hard given that it was almost blindingly colorful. Amongst the rest of the trucks and crowds, it was hard to pick out. He rounded a corner and pushed through a line before finally spotting the tail end of her food truck. He could pick her out from here with those three stupidly adorable buns and a bright bandana. His heart jumped. For a moment Ben felt like he was going to throw up. What was he even here for? To ask her out? To fight about something stupid?

He had stopped in the middle of the flow of people as he stared at her. A few people glared at him as they shoved passed but he didn’t give a fuck as he debated turning back around and never speaking to her again. 

That all went out the window the moment he saw her sway and grab onto the truck to steady herself. He dropped the AC unit as Rey’s knees buckled and she fell to the ground. 

Ben tore through the crowd shouting her name. A confused Rose stuck her head out the ordering window as about a dozen people turned to look at him. He skidded to a stop at her side, falling to his knees and pulling her into his arms. Despite the heat, her skin was ice cold and clammy beneath his touch. She was limp in his arms but still breathing. The truck’s door swung open and a dark-skinned man poked his head out. “Oh my god. Poe!”

“She just- she just fell over.” 

The man jumped out of the truck with Poe and Rose right behind him. A small crowd had gathered to watch. 

“We need to get her somewhere cool.” Poe went to take her from him, but Ben was already standing with her in his arms. Rey still hadn’t woken up. 

“Where?”

“There’s a first aid station not far from here.” The unfamiliar man pointed through the trucks. “Poe, Rose, stay here. I’ll take you.”

Ben had already started moving in the direction the man had pointed. He was moving as fast as he could through the crowd with the man leading the way and pushing a path. The food trucks gave away to a more open area filled with old buildings originally to the park. Over everyone's heads, he could just barely see a red cross signifying the first aid station. 

Rey came to with a gasp in his arms. He clung to her to keep her from rolling away from him in confusion. Her eyes were dazed and completely out of it. “Ben?”

“You passed out. I’m taking you to first aid.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “I thought you hated me.” 

“I could never hate you.”

Rey’s head lolled as she passed out again. 

“Fuck.” Ben pushed through the crowd and made eye contact with a medic standing outside of the station. The older woman jumped into action, opening the door and waving them through. A wall of ice-cold hit him as he stepped through and followed the medic to an open bed in the middle of a big open room. A few other people were laying in beds. TVs played quietly in the background under the sound of steady beeps. It was like a completely different world from the one outside. 

Ben laid Rey in the bed and she came to again, just barely. He brushed her hair out of her face. “It’s okay, sweetheart. They're going to take a look at you.”

The medic was quickly hooking up a machine to her fingers and taking her temperature. “I’m Dr. Tano. Can you tell me what happened?”

Rey frowned. 

“She fainted. About three minutes ago, now.” Ben glanced at the man beside him who was holding Rey’s hand now. A spike of jealousy swept through him. 

“And you are?”

“Ben. I’m her…” he stumbled over the wording in his head before settling on, “Friend.”

“And you?”

“Finn. I’m her  _ best friend. _ ” Ben didn't miss the not so subtle glare the man gave him. “She was working on the AC unit. I thought she’d been drinking enough, but…”

Dr. Tano nodded. “It can be difficult to keep up with water in this sort of heat. She’s not the first to come in like this, and she won’t be the last. We’re going to get her cooled down and hooked up to some fluids since she keeps going in and out of consciousness. Is there any chance she could be pregnant?”

_ Fuck.  _

Ben panicked for a second. 

“No.” Finn shook his head. “No way.”

Ben caught the Doctor’s eye and she gave him a knowing look before nodding. “I’m going to run a quick test just to be sure. It’s procedure, but I have to ask before. If she doesn’t improve in the next fifteen minutes, she might have to be moved to the hospital, but most people recover quickly once they’re here. I’ll go grab those fluids and a test kit.”

He’d used a condom. He was more than sure of it. But there was always that deep pang of doubt and anxiety whenever someone mentioned it.

All forms of thought shot out of his head the moment Rey stirred. She mumbled incoherently as her eyes slowly opened. She took a deep gasping breath as she looked around the room. “I’m okay. I’m fine.”

Ben stumbled as Finn pushed past him to stand closer to Rey. “Hey, peanut, you’re okay. Just relax. They’re going to get some fluids in you so you don’t pass out again. Just a little heat exhaustion.”

Rey giggled a little. “The heat should take a nap if it’s so tired then.”

Ben took a step back, watching the two of them together. Rey closed her eyes but didn’t pass out again. Her little smile stayed on her lips. She was fine. She was going to be okay. He watched her with a sinking feeling. She didn’t need him. It was best not to get in the way. Rey looked at him for a moment, confusion clouding her features like she couldn’t quite understand why he was there. 

He had to get out of there.

“I’m going to go let Rose and Poe know she’s okay.”

Finn barely spared him a glance. “Yeah, thanks.”

Ben snorted and walked away from the bed. How did he think it would go any differently? That he might be the hero for once instead of the villain? He should know better by now. 

Ben made his way back to  _ Cantina Pho Sho _ , stopping to stare down at the now dented AC unit right where he had left it. He picked it up and made the last twenty feet to the truck. He banged on the back door until it swung open. 

“Oh,” Rose looked down at him, a worried expression on her face. “Is she okay?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. She’ll be fine. They’re… ah… going to give her some fluids and monitor her for a little while.”

Rose breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank the maker. And thanks for taking care of her.”

Ben shrugged which was a little awkward with the machine in his arms. 

Rose looked down at it. “What… Is that?”

“Ah.” Ben looked down at the unit. “It’s a portable AC. Er… Hux saw that yours broke and sent me over here with our spare one.”

He didn’t miss the way that Rose’s face brightened. “Really? That’s super sweet.”

“About two hours too late.” 

Ben looked past Rose to see a grumpy looking Poe sitting at the order window. Rose just waved him off. “Ignore him. He gets pissy when he’s worried. Thank you.”

“Yeah. Whatever. Thank Hux.” Ben set the machine on the lip of the truck. Apparently, his default mode was pissy, too. 

“I will.” Rose smiled. “And I’ll you know how Rey’s doing later, too.”

“Don’t bother.” Ben shoved his hands in his pockets trying to mask the pain and the worry and the hurt with anger. He turned away and marched dutifully back across the fairgrounds. He could move on. This was fine. 

...

Recovering from heat exhaustion felt like the world’s worst hangover. She regained most of her mental function after about fifteen minutes on the IV, but with it came a massive headache and uncontrollable shivering in the AC as her body struggled to regulate itself properly. Finn stayed at her side the whole time. But she could have sworn it was Ben who brought her there. 

When Finn explained the story, little bits and pieces came back clearer. She was left with an aching feeling in her chest. He hadn’t stayed. Why would he? She had been the one to walk away first. She’d been avoiding him and making sure Rose was parking as far away from their truck as she could. She hadn’t told anyone about that night. Rey sighed and gave Finn’s hand a squeeze. 

When Dr. Tano gave her the all-clear, she sent Finn off to go fetch Poe. The doctor had wanted two people with her to walk her back and for her to stay out of the heat for the next few days. Rey knew as soon as Rose heard that, she’d be on her way home. The truck was definitely too hot to stay in. 

Finn left and the doctor removed her IV and the sensor attached to her finger before helping her sit up. The older woman wore a serious look despite the blue streaks in her hair. “There are a few more things before you go, Rey. Keep drinking fluids. If you think you’ve had enough, have one more. You aren’t just taking care of yourself anymore.”

Rey frowned. “What?”

“I’m guessing you didn’t know then. I ran a pregnancy test for you, just to make sure. It’s part of our intake procedure, and, well, your friends weren’t sure.”

“Weren’t sure?” Rey echoed. “What?”

“The test came back positive, Rey. You’re pregnant.”

Rey gaped at the doctor, trying to figure out if she was still delusional or passed out and dreaming. “That’s not possible.”

“Have you had sex recently?”

Rey nodded and swallowed. “We used a condom, though. And I’m on the pill. I’m really bad at taking it on time, but I’m still on it.”

Dr. Tano nodded. “All good practices. But nothing is one hundred percent, unfortunately. Neither is the test, but false positives are fairly rare. Do you live around here? I can give you the information on a good OBGYN.”

Rey shook her head slowly. “I have one already.”

This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t. She’d done everything right. 

Dr. Tano smiled softly. “Okay, Rey. Don’t put it off. Lots and lots of fluids. Lots of rest. You’re more susceptible to the heat, now.”

_ Now that you’re pregnant. _

She was already a week late, which was weird, especially on the pill. She had just assumed her body was skipping this time. She’d always had a light period. 

_ Fuck.  _

_ Fuck fuck fuck. _

When Rose told Finn to take Rey home, Rey didn’t protest (much to everyone’s surprise). She couldn’t tell if she was still faint from the heat or if it was the shock now. The only thing she could think of was getting back to her apartment and grabbing the nearest pregnancy tests. It had to be a mistake. It had to be. What were the odds? She knew she wasn’t the greatest at taking her pills. She’d been extra lax as of late because, well, there was no one to get her pregnant. Until Mr. Arsehole walked into her life.

Gods. Ben. Why Ben? 

And she could just imagine the disappointed look Rose would give her. And Finn. And Poe would be pissed. He hated the  _ First Order _ more than any of them. That’s why she hadn’t told any of them about that night; it was better to not get caught sleeping with the enemy. Even Rose had agreed that sleeping with Hux would be messy. 

The food truck industry was super competitive, okay?

Rey let her head drop to the cool glass window of Finn’s car. He looped his fingers through hers as he drove, but this time it only made Rey feel worse. Rey groaned softly. 

_ Fuck.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o 
> 
> I didn't think that first chapter would blow up the way it did. Y'all are too amazing, so here's another chapter as promised :D
> 
> If you didn't catch it in the tags, this fic is inspired by Anna Kendrick's character in What to Expect When You're Expecting. It's a bit niche and a little weird that it's one of my favorite movies of all time. I started from that idea and the first chapter kinda took on a life of its own. 
> 
> Come Say Hi On [Tumblr!](https://thesnowfire13.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to deal with her unexpected news. Rose sniffs out a mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last week I published twice- so if you haven’t read chapter two yet, go read that first!
> 
> Also, this book deals with Rey and her beliefs about pregnancy and abortion. I know that these topics may be triggering or controversial to some. Views of characters are just that- the views of the characters. That said, this is not a place for political arguments and hate, but rather a place to try and see things from a different perspective- that of Rey and her friends. Personal stories are always welcome. Any hateful comments may be removed at my discretion as I wish for this to be a safe space.

Rey stared at the number saved in her phone. 

She'd been doing that a lot lately. Staring. Staring out the window of Finn’s car. Staring at positive pregnancy test number two. Staring at herself in the mirror. Staring at positive pregnancy test number three. Staring at her still flat stomach. Staring at positive pregnancy test number four. Staring at the American made porcelain of her toilet. Five tests seemed a little ridiculous, but she stared at that one too. Staring at the number for her OBGYN. 

And back to the toilet. 

Maybe it was just her anxiety spiking, but it seemed like as soon as she found out, morning sickness hit her in full force. Rey had no idea how the hell she was going to hide that from Rose when she got back. The woman had a nose for secrets and blamed it on being the little sister of a rebel. Paige, who now ran a successful tattoo parlor, would agree. 

Rey had sent Finn back to the fair to help out now that she was gone. He only left because she promised hourly updates through text or snapchat. With him gone, Rey was left to stare. And fret. And lose sleep over what seemed like an impossible decision to make. She knew she had to tell someone. Rose or Finn being the most likely. But Poe seemed like he would keep a secret and not ask too many questions. He’d probably make the least amount of noise out of all of them. One trip to the doctor’s office and Rey would be able to put this behind her. Ben didn’t even have to know. It was her body and she could do what she wanted with it. 

And then there was a part of her that only came out in the still hours before dawn when the garbage truck’s obnoxious beeping woke her up. That part of her placed a hand over her stomach and let her imagine what it might be like. To be a mother. To have someone to love who loved you back unconditionally. To give her life fully to the one she brings into the world. Maybe it was selfish when there were so many out there already alive who could use a mother. When she knew what it was like to be forgotten and uncared for. 

She had never had anyone growing up. The memories of her parents were blurry and dark. She wasn’t even sure if they were real or a desperate figment of her imagination. Her true earliest memories were of foster homes and foster kids and foster parents who only wanted a paycheck. Jakku didn’t have much else to offer her. 

She was only twenty-three. Money from the food truck was tumultuous at best. Most of her money went back into it, but that could change. She’d have to move out or Rose would. Panic set in at that thought. She’d be alone if Rose left. Rey tried to shake it out of her head. She’d have another chance. Maybe with someone who loved her. 

Impossible decision, nonetheless. 

There was still time to make it. She could still go to Dr. Kalonia. She’d maybe be able to offer some sort of insight. Or advise or… Rey sighed and rolled to her side, struggling to get comfortable. 

Would Ben even want a kid? Guys didn’t exactly have a timeline nailed to them from birth. He was what…. Thirty? Rey wasn’t sure. She barely knew anything about him other than the fact that he worked for the _First Order_ , was an arsehole, and apparently had enough money for a bougie apartment in one of the best neighborhoods in the city. Would he try to take the kid from her? Sue her for custody?

Rey took a deep breath and counted her exhale. There was no use in hyperventilating over a hypothetical situation. 

He still deserved to know. Even if it was just so that he’d get different condoms. It had to have been expired or defective or something because she would swear on Poe’s cat’s nine lives he had worn one and that it hadn’t looked broken. He would have said something if it broke, right?

Rey flopped to her other side. The movement triggered a small wave of nausea and a large desire to pee her pants. She groaned and struggled out of the bed to the bathroom and peed before quickly flushing and switching positions to throw up. 

Bland foods. Nothing but bland foods from here on out. 

...

Being back in the truck was hell. Rose had given her the dirtiest look when Rey had suggested that the fresh paella had gone bad. Just one whiff had Rey’s stomach rolling. She’d been able to hide her morning sickness so far, but today was going to test her. 

The truck had to be in the shop for a few days after the fair to fix the AC and make a couple repairs. Poe was grumpy about it since, one, the truck breaking had almost killed Rey and, two, almost everything they made at the fair was going towards fixing the damn thing. 

Rey could feel Rose’s watchful eyes on her through the whole lunch rush. The paella comment had caught her attention and Rey was being extra careful about not breathing near it so she wouldn’t gag. 

But of course it was their most popular item that day. 

Rey was certain that if Rose hadn’t had a certain red-haired asshole on her mind, the woman would have figured Rey out by now. When Rose wasn’t looking at Rey or taking orders, she was casting a wistful look back at the stupid portable AC unit taking up valuable space by the back door. Apparently, Hux had sent Ben over with it when he heard about their AC unit going out and that was why Ben had seen her faint. 

Whatever mushy feelings she got from the faint memory of him carrying her across the fairgrounds was quickly squashed when she reminded herself that he wasn’t there to see her. 

Apparently Rose and Hux had started texting and they were all going to the Food Truck Friday event at one of the parks tomorrow for the lunch rush. Then it would be a race for the best spot at the Friday Night Free movie series across town. She didn’t want to be reminded. Rey could only be happy that it was the last one of the season. The event was mostly aimed at families with kids, so they ended just before school started up again. 

Families with kids. Another thing she didn’t want to be reminded of.

When the lunch rush ended, Rose shut the service window and turned to face Rey on her stool. The small woman crossed her arms and looked Rey up and down. Rey tried to ignore her as she cleaned off her grill. She knew a Rose Tico investigation when she saw one. 

Rose raised an eyebrow. “Alright. Are you going to make me guess or are you just going to tell me.”

“What are you talking about?” Why was she prolonging this? Rey knew that Rose wouldn’t leave the truck until she wormed her way into Rey’s head. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You are hiding something from me. I know when you’re keeping something from me and you know you shouldn’t. So, out with it.”

“I’m not hiding anything.” She was a horrible liar and scrubbing the grill way too hard. 

“Is that so?” Rose hopped off her stool and opened the fridge. A moment later, a box was shoved under her nose. Rey gagged as the seafood paella smell hit her in full force. Rey gagged, her stomach turning. She grabbed the slop bucket just in time to release her bland lunch of bread and fruit into it. 

“Oh my god. You’re pregnant.”

Rey groaned into the bucket. Rose’s interrogation methods bordered on torture sometimes. She’d do well in Guantanamo. Rey wiped her mouth on her towel and sheepishly looked up at her friend. Rose’s triumphant look fell. 

“Oh my god… You’re pregnant?” Rose’s jaw dropped. 

Rey nodded slowly. 

“What the hell, Rey?! Oh- Oh, no. Don’t cry.” Rose dropped down to the floor and pulled Rey in for a hug. Rose pet her hair and made soft shushing sounds as Rey sobbed into her friend’s shoulder. 

Crying. That was another thing she had done a lot more lately. 

“Can you take a deep breath for me?”

Rey took in a shaky breath. “I-I was going to tell you. I just wanted- wanted to figure it out first, but…”

“Baby, you don’t have to figure everything out on your own, you know that right? That’s what I’m here for. I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone. I thought you were on the pill.”

“It was just one night. One stupid night.”

“Oh sweetie. What ni- The one you said you were out with Kaydel?”

Rey nodded. “Don’t be mad at me, please.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just trying to understand. I sort of knew you weren’t telling the truth. You’re not a great liar.”

That only prompted another round of crying. Rose held onto Rey tightly. “Do I need to go beat up the baby daddy?”

Rey shook her head. “No.”

“Are you going to tell me who he is?” Rose asked softly.

Rey swallowed. She hadn’t said it outloud yet. Saying it just made it feel all the more real. “Ben.”

“Oh. Oh, shit.”

Rey snorted softly. “Yeah.”

“You know… I’ve always wondered…” Rose giggled and Rey shook her head.

“Shut up.” Rey let herself smile a little. A small weight lifted off her chest. Rose always knew what to do to help her feel better. “I don’t know what to do, Rose.”

“Well…” Rose hugged her tighter. “I can’t tell you what to do. But, I can tell you that I support you no matter what you decide. And that I’ll always be there for you. And so will Finn and Poe. And I’ve always wanted to be an auntie, but I will also go with you to the clinic if you decide you don’t want it.”

Rey took a deep breath and pressed a hand to her abdomen. Nothing had changed. It was just a clump of cells still at this point. “I feel like I should tell him. I want to go to the doctor first. Just to… Just to make sure everything is okay. And know my options.”

“Do you think he’ll want you to keep it?”

Rey shrugged. “No. It was just one night. A stupid mistake. He… He doesn’t care about me like that.”

Rose wriggled her nose. 

“What?”

“Mmmmm….. Nothing.”

“No you did your nose wriggle which means you had a thought you’re not telling me.” Rey pushed away from her friend to get a better view.

“Did not!” Rose’s nose gave the tiniest wriggle again.

“I literally just saw you do it again.”

Rose let out an exasperated sigh and threw her hands in the air. “It’s just that… Well, you didn’t see him at the fair. He was terrified when you passed out. He freaking bridal carried you to first aid. That’s fucking romantic, Rey.”

Rey frowned, unconvinced. 

“I’m just saying… Maybe there’s something there.” Rose shrugged. “Was the sex good at least?”

Rey felt her cheeks instantly burn bright pink and Rose gasped excitedly. Rey rolled her eyes. “It was fine.”

“Uh-huh. Sure. Fine.”

That afternoon, Rose held her hand as she called the clinic to make her appointment. It was set for Monday morning and all Rey had to do was avoid the _First Order_ truck for all of tomorrow and survive the rest of the weekend. 

To accomplish the first part, Rose planned out lunch so they arrived just fifteen minutes before the rush started. The _First Order_ truck was on the other end of the line up and the event was busy, so there was no time for anyone to do anything but take orders and cook. 

Paella had, thankfully, been struck from the menu for the moment. 

As had the items designed to piss off the _First Order_ boys. 

Rose had turned extra attentive and even offered to cook, which was a hard _no_ from Rey. She hated taking orders and dealing with customers and money. The lunch rush ended and they packed up quickly to hightail out of there and drive to the other side of town. They stopped on a side street near the park to prep for the movie night crowd. Rose managed their books as Rey cooked. 

Closer to dinner time, they moved into the park, taking a different spot than usual to put some distance between them and the _First Order_ truck. Rose opened up the shop and orders trickled in slowly before steadily ramping up into a long line about an hour before the movie started. Rey fell into a steady rhythm as she worked. It had been far too long since she found her stride and for the first time that week things seemed to make a bit more sense. 

Until there was a loud knock on the back door. Rey jumped and stared, horrified, at Rose. Without missing a beat, Rose jumped up from her seat and squeezed around Rey to open the back door. Rey let out a sigh of relief when she saw red hair and not black. Rose hopped out of the back and let Hux grab the AC unit. 

“Niima.”

“Huxley.” Rey smirked at him and he scowled back. She really didn’t see what Rose saw in the man. 

...

Monday could not come soon enough. Rose held her shaking hand in the waiting room. Rey looked around at all the women in the room, her eyes landing on the rounded bellies of the obviously pregnant ones.

Would that be her?

Did she want it to be her?

She must have had a panicked look in her eye because Rose gave her hand a squeeze and a reassuring smile. 

“Rey?” 

They followed a nurse back to the exam rooms, stopping to get her height and weight. In the room, the nurse took her blood pressure and asked a few questions about why she was there before telling her that Dr. Kalonia would be in shortly. Rey squeezed Rose’s hand back. She’d never been more thankful for her. 

Dr. Harter Kalonia was an older woman with short brown hair, angular features, and the personality of someone who ran marathons for fun. Which she did, judging from the pictures on the walls. There was something grounding about her, though, that always put Rey at ease. She had a grand smile that she always wore when she walked in, quickly introducing herself to Rose before jumping right in. “So, you think you might be pregnant.”

“I’m pretty sure.” Rey took a deep breath. 

“Okay, hon. Don’t worry too much. We’re going to get you all sorted out today. Can you tell me your last period or the date of conception and any events since then?”

Rey nodded. She did her best to explain everything up to the appointment, looking to Rose to fill in some of the gaps and things she missed. Dr. Kalonia listened intently, nodding and making notes every once in a while. 

“I trust you’ve stopped taking your pills after you found out?”

Rey nodded. 

“Good, good. I know that a lot of this is overwhelming. There’s a lot of things to take into consideration and it seems like you’re on the fence still. So, I just want to walk you through your options, okay? You’ve still got plenty of time to come to a decision. You’re only about seven weeks in. According to the law you have until 20 weeks to make a decision, but I do suggest around 14 weeks or sooner. That’s when the majority of abortions are performed and the easiest for you. So you have time to make that decision, okay? If you decide to carry to term, we’ll set up regular appointments to track your progress. Given your history, I want to monitor you a bit more closely, so they’d probably be every two weeks right away for your first and second trimester and every week for your third. Just out of an abundance of caution. I’m also going to suggest you start taking prenatal vitamins and eating as much as you can. I know it’s rough with morning sickness. Trust me, my first hated everything I put in my mouth.”

Dr. Kalonia paused as Rey let it all sink in. She had time still. She had Rose and Dr. Kalonia. She’d be okay no matter what. She took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. What should we do today?”

“Well, today, we’ll just treat it like your first prenatal visit. I’ll have you strip down and get on the table and we’ll do a pelvic exam. I’ll get a pap smear done and an STD test while we’re down there. Then I’ll give you some resources that you can check out on your own and my phone number so you can reach me anytime you need to. I’ll answer any questions you have, no question is too stupid when it comes to pregnancy, so ask away. Then after that, one of the nurses will be in to take a bit of blood and have you pee in a cup. We’re going to run a couple tests with that to test for any genetic abnormalities, iron deficiency, blood type, illnesses. And we’ll- what? Sextuple-check? That you’re actually pregnant.”

Rey let herself grin a little. She’d maybe gone a little overboard with the pregnancy tests. Dr. Kalonia leaned forward to gently take Rey’s wrist. “No matter what we’ve got you and you’re going to be okay. Whatever decision you make is going to be the right one.”

...

Rey and Rose walked out of the doctor’s office almost an hour later, hungry and tired. Rose put her arm in Rey’s as they walked out to Rey’s care. They usually took Mondays and Tuesdays off, so they had the rest of the day free. 

Rose jumped into the passenger seat with a devious smile on her face. “You know what we need?”

Rey grinned. “What?”

“Bad mall food court food and mani-pedis.”

Rey’s stomach growled. “That sounds amazing actually. 

Orange chicken and lo mein never tasted better. 

When Rose caught her watching a dozen screaming children race around the mall’s play place, she said nothing. She only slipped her arm through Rey’s and pulled her friend close. Rey watched as a curly, dark-haired boy raced the wrong way up the slide only to trip and slide back down halfway up. 

Rey took a deep breath. 

It was time to tell Ben. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much all of you for all the love as comments. They are super motivating so keep them coming :) Stay tuned for Ben finding out the news! 
> 
> Follow Me On [Tumblr!](https://thesnowfire13.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space momma and Space daddy are shitty communicators (a reoccurring theme)

For all the times Hux and Ben had come knocking on the back door of _Cantina Pho Sho,_ Rey had never once knocked on the _First Order_ door. She had picked her date, time, and place carefully. Mid-afternoon in the park between the lunch and dinner breaks, but not _right_ between when Ben would probably be prepping. Rose had offered to come with but this was something she had to do on her own. In the end, it was between her and Ben.

Rey hated to hope. Hope always ended in disappointment. She knew it was her decision, but for some reason, she knew whatever reaction Ben had would solidify it. He’d always been cold towards her, but that night… something had changed between them. There was so much she didn’t know about him. So much she wanted to know. 

Her anxiety mixed with her morning sickness meant that nothing had stayed down all day. And whatever fumes the _First Order_ was pumping out of their black and red truck was not helping. She was practically gagging as she pounded on the back door. The door swung open violently. “What?”

Rey looked up at Ben’s murderous face. There were dark bags under his eyes that almost rivaled her own. His scowl only deepened at the sight of her. “What do you want.”

Rey gagged as the smell of the truck hit her in full force through the open door. She covered her mouth and took a step back, fighting back the churning in her stomach. She would not throw up in front of him. She wouldn’t. 

Ben scoffed. “Did you seriously come all the way over here to make comments about my food? Don’t you have something better to do with your time?”

Anger boiled up in her chest, rising quicker than heartburn. He would never stop being a pretentious fuck, would he? She thought she had come to some sort of resolve, but there he was reminding her of who exactly she was dealing with. Someone she barely knew. Someone who had only given her glimpses of himself. Who had made her feel wanted for just one night. The Ben she wanted was nothing more than a fantasy. The dream of a family was just a dream. She wasn’t stupid enough to think that dream could be born out of something as dysfunctional as this. 

Rey shook her head and turned to leave. “Nevermind.”

“Nevermind.” Ben jumped down from the truck. “Nevermind? That’s it? You ignore me for weeks and that’s it?”

“Yeah, Ben, that’s it. Forget I was even here.”

He laughed. “Trust me, there’s nothing more that I’d like to do than forget you were ever here.”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Then consider it done. Gods, I can’t believe I ever thought-” Rey laughed to herself. It seemed he had gotten what he wanted out of her that night. The rest of it… The rest of it was a fluke. 

“Thought what? That we were more? Really, Rey? Cause I seem to remember that only one of us woke up alone.”

“What? Did you want me to stay? Make me breakfast? Don’t tell me that it meant something to you. Don’t lie to me. I know I’m just a game to you, so don’t pretend like it’s something different.”

“Seems like you have me all figured out, don’t you.” Ben stepped closer to her and the smell of the food truck overwhelmed her again. Rey fought against her gag reflex. She was not going to throw up in front of him. She was not going to give this asshole the satisfaction. 

Rey covered her mouth and nose again as if that would help. Her stomach heaved as she turned away from him. 

“Rey?”

There was nothing more there to throw up, just bile and stomach acid. She rushed for the nearest tree and braced herself against it. 

_Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you._

After a minute the dry heaving subsided. Rey turned, fully expecting to be alone. Instead, Ben stood there, a completely horrified look on his face. 

“Are you pregnant?” He sounded terrified like her answer would destroy his life. Any thought of keeping it went out the window with those three words. “Are you?” He asked again when she didn’t move. 

Rey slowly nodded- deer in the headlights. She didn’t know how she expected this conversation to go, but this was not it. 

Ben looked like the wind had been stomped out of him. He took a step back like he was about to run, a dozen emotions racing across his features. He landed on one- confusion. “What? How?”

She shrugged softly. “Expired condom and bad luck.”

He ran a massive hand over his face and through his hair. “Bad luck?”

Rey wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry? You’re not keeping it?” Ben’s voice had softened to almost a whisper. Something in it made her pause. 

“I… I don’t know,” She admitted. She couldn’t bear to meet his eyes. “I just thought you should know. So you could, I don’t know, get different condoms or something.

Ben laughed in disbelief. “You’re telling me to get different condoms?”

“Yes, Ben. I am. I thought maybe, maybe it was common courtesy. I thought maybe that telling you would help me make some sort of decision. But, Rey’s wrong again. It’s just another stupid _mistake._ ” She was well crying now and cursing her raging hormones. 

“Is that why you left? It was all just some big mistake to you?” Ben took a step forward when she didn’t answer.

“Why do you care?” Rey choked on a sob. “I’m nothing. I’m no one.”

Her eyes met his and she was caught in his steady gaze. “You’ve never been no one. Not to me.”

_Not to him._

Rey stared at the ground between her feet. “How am I supposed to trust you? I don’t even know who you are. Every time I see you it’s like you’re a different person. I can’t…”

She looked up to the sky, anywhere but him, as she struggled to find the words. “I can’t do this with you. I’ve already had enough shitty people in my life. So, don’t worry about it. Forget I ever said anything.”

She stormed off before Ben could stop her and didn’t turn around when he called her name. By the time she got back to the truck, tears were racing steadily down her face. Rose took one look at her and pulled Rey in for a tight hug. 

...

Ben went back to the truck after she left. A million things raced through his head. That night. The first aid tent. Flashes of memories of her. 

He could remember the first time that stupid food truck had pulled up behind them on the street. It was painted in obnoxious pinks and oranges and teals and neon greens in swirling patterns. The truck looked completely ridiculous next to the black, red, and white geometric design of the _First Order._ He’d thought that the new truck wouldn’t last long. He’d severely underestimated the women running it. He’d underestimated her. 

Rey had never been afraid to call him on his bullshit and that’s exactly what it was. Complete bullshit. He’d given her no reason to stay. He’d never treated her like what she really was to him. 

He’d been terrified the day he realized how he truly felt about her. He was pretty sure he had insulted her, too. Their lunch special that day had been nacho fries with some sort of shrimp on top and they were selling them for a dollar less than he was selling the _First Order_ loaded fries for. Ben had gotten so worked up over it that he had jumped out of the truck and pounded on their door to... He wasn’t even sure anymore. He hadn’t gotten around to whatever it was because Rey had opened the back door with a scowl on her face and bright red, flushed cheeks. Her hair was back in those three buns and tied off in a pink bandana. And he had realized he loved her. That he barely knew her but she was still the reason he got out of bed in the morning. That for all of their jokes and recipe botching, the _First Order_ wouldn’t be doing half as well as it was.

Had he done the grownup thing and started treating her like he liked her? No. He called her fries limp and she scoffed at him and said something along the lines of “you would know”. And nothing had changed except the voice in the back of his head that noticed whenever she was around and came up with excuses to see her and told him that he’d never be good enough for her. There was no way she could feel the same because he’d never given her the chance. 

Because if by some miracle she felt the same and it ended badly, he would never get over it. 

He thought that if he only got that one night with her it would be enough. She left first but he didn’t give her any other options. And slowly, slowly she started fading out of his life. Until that day at the fair. That must have been the day she found out because after that there were no lunch specials or witty remarks on their blackboard. Eventually, their truck stopped showing up at its usual spots or left right after the rush. 

Even Hux had noticed and grumbled about it the whole time. 

Ben had heard his dismissal loud and clear. He wasn’t wanted. She wanted to forget about him. And wasn’t that what he wanted? 

It only soured his mood to the point of being unbearable. Hux, who knew far too much about the situation due to a few drunken nights, had to kick him out of the truck several times or take extra smoke breaks to avoid a fistfight. 

The last thing Ben had expected was for Rey to show up again and gag at the smell of his food. Rey looked almost as pale as she had at the fair with bags under her eyes. Her nervous lip bite had instantly soured into a scowl and he had bit out the first thing that came to him. 

When she gagged again and ran to the tree all he could hear was his mother regaling him with her own pregnancy stories. He was pretty sure his brain shorted out. Then he had made her cry and now everything felt like too little too late and he was the asshole. Ben didn’t really know how to be anything else. 

The one girl he wanted didn’t fucking want him. The one thing he wanted would never happen. And the only person he could blame was himself. 

“Fuck! Fucking shit-” Ben stared down at the spot where his knife had sliced through the palm of his hand, missing the head of lettuce completely. Bright red blood dripped onto the cutting board. “Son of a bitch. Hux!”

Ben wrapped a clean kitchen towel around his hand as the pissy redhead poked his head in the back door from where he had gone to escape Ben. “What? Oh, shit.”

A minute later the _First Order_ truck pulled out of the park and made its way to the nearest ER for stitches. All he could think about was her. All he wanted to do was fix everything he fucked up. 

When he walked out of the ER four hours later with ten stitches in his hand and a mitten of gauze, Ben pulled out his phone and called one of the few numbers he had saved. It rang twice before it was picked up like she had been waiting for him to call. 

“Ben?”

“Hi, mom… Can I come home?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! I've loved your comments <3 My goal is to update every Wednesday- at least for the next month. 
> 
> Find Me On [Tumblr!](https://thesnowfire13.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space dad goes to get some advice from space buns. Space smuggler has some bad history with space doggo.

Ever since the divorce, his mother had taken up residence at the family ranch. She’d put aside politics five years ago (though politics refused to let  _ her _ go) to spend her retirement at Naboo. The Italian-style ranch looked over a pond that really should have been classified as a lake. The property was almost fifty acres of pastures, forest, and trails. Picture perfect and always quiet. It was nothing like the townhouse he grew up in when Han and Leia were still together. And it was a far cry from Han’s bachelor pad after their split. 

He’d only ever really been a guest at the ranch. He couldn’t remember the last time he made the two hour drive home. Coming up the drive at 10 pm, he could see the lights of the porch glowing softly against the growing twilight. He half expected his mother to be sitting out on the porch waiting for him with a glass of wine in her hands. He hadn’t told her much over the phone, only enough to- probably- drive her mad with worry. But Ben had promised her the full story when he got there and what Leia wanted Leia got. 

What he didn’t expect was to see his father’s tall frame leaning against the far side of the stables with the telltale embers of a cigar lighting up against the shadows. 

The cigar went out as Han spotted Ben’s car. He pulled into the drive and put it in park and stepped out. 

“Whatcha doing home, kid?” His father’s gruff voice called across the drive as the man ambled towards him. 

“It’s not exactly home.” Ben grumbled. 

Han shrugged. “Wherever your mother is, is home.”

Ben frowned. The real question was what was Han doing here?

“Did you bring that dog?” Han peeled warily into the back seat of his car.

“No.” Ben took a deep breath. Two seconds out of the car and already he could feel a fight coming on. Kylo was a point of contention with his father. Han was used to the tame, loving farm dogs he grew up with. Kylo wasn’t one of those dogs; he was a rescue from a dog fighting ring. Strangers and quick movements and things normal dogs would consider playful were nothing but a sign of danger to Kylo. Han now sported a few scars from a bad incident a few years ago and Ben had learned not to let anyone near Kylo. It was part of the reason Ben hadn’t taken a vacation in years. Han had wanted Ben to put Kylo down, but Ben had refused. It wasn’t the dog’s fault. Not truly. It was people who were bad. 

_ What would happen with a baby in the mix? _

Han frowned. “You look like a train ran you over, kid.”

Ben laughed to himself. He probably shouldn’t have driven here. He was still on the pain meds the hospital gave him for his hand. “Yeah. Something like that.”

His father took a deep breath and clapped Ben on the shoulder. “Head inside. Your mother will know what to do with whatever’s going on… Just… Don’t tell her about the smoke. She still thinks I quit.”

“Weren’t you the one who told me that women  _ always  _ find out?”

“Yeah… but if you don’t mention it she doesn’t get pissed... Until she remembers again.”

Ben grabbed his bag from the backseat and trudged up to the house. Han disappeared into the stables, most likely to find some way to get the smoke out of his clothes. 

The door to the front patio swung open as he approached and his mother stepped out. She looked smaller. More grey in her hair, though it was still pulled up and braided. 

“Oh, Benji. Come here.” Leia held out her arms for him. Ben stooped to hug his mother and let her take his bandaged hand in hers. She tsked and shook her head. “I’m surprised you still have all your fingers and toes at this point. Come in, I made hot chocolate like you like it. There’s a guest bedroom ready for you, too.”

He followed her through the entryway and into the large kitchen where a pot of hot cocoa waited for them. He took a seat at the counter as Leia ladled him a cup and poured in a monstrous amount of mini marshmallows. 

His mother poured her own cup and leaned against the counter. “So. Who is she?”

Ben choked. “What?”

“Benjamin. I may be old but I’m not ancient. You hide things about as well as your father hides his cigars.” Leia raised a brow at her son. “When it comes to the men in this family, it’s usually about a woman.”

“I fucked up, mom.”

“Did you cheat on her?”

Ben stared at the marshmallows floating around in his hot chocolate. The words to say everything out loud for the first time caught in his throat. He shook his head. 

“Is she pregnant?”

He nodded and took a deep shuddering breath as he fought off the tears in his eyes. 

“Oh… Oh, Ben.” 

Ben lost control of his tears as his tiny force of a mother wrapped her arms around his massive shoulders. 

The story started to come out when Leia let him go. He told it over the course of three cups of hot cocoa- everything from when he first saw her to realizing how he felt about her to the night he took her home (in the VAGUEST terms he could think of), to the fair, to giving up only to have everything flipped on its head with one simple question. His mother listened to it all, filling up his cup when he finished it, offering napkins and gentle motherly affections. There were things he told her that he had only told Kylo before. 

When he was done and the hot cocoa had run dry, Leia had given him a small knowing smile. That smile turned into a giggle and then into a laugh. Ben stared at his laughing mother incredulously. He had just poured out his heart- something he  _ never  _ did- and she was laughing at him. 

Ben huffed. “If you’re just going to laugh, I’ll go back home.”

“No, Benji!” His mother caught his arm, still smiling. “I’m sorry for laughing. It’s just… You’re so much like your father sometimes. And your grandfather, at least what he was like before he went crazy.”

“If that is supposed to make me feel better, you’re the crazy one.” It was great to know that after all these years of trying to be nothing like his father, he had failed. 

“You were accidental, Ben.”

He was about to stand up and walk out the door. Coming here might have been his second biggest mistake.

His mother must have seen that exact look in his eye because she grabbed his hand and waited until he looked at her. “You were accidental, Ben. But it was the best accident I’ve ever had. I got you out of it. And your father. And I know it hasn’t been easy. And that there’s been a lot of pain. But there’s also been a lot of love. I wouldn’t change a second of it.”

She smiled and Ben watched as the Leia he knew in his mind collided with the one in his mind. She was a bit older now than how he remembered her. Smile and frown lines stretched across her skin. She’d raised him. They’d figured it out, even if he came out a little fucked up. He knew anything that Rey made wouldn’t be anything but beautiful and pure and perfect, even if he was involved.

“How did… what was it…”

Leia grinned as her eyes drifted off to somewhere nostalgic. “1982. I was actually in D.C. protesting for something or other. A couple of the girls and I went to a concert at some dive bar and your father was there. We did not get along at all. I thought he was a misogynistic asshole and he thought I was a stuck up princess. But I invited him to the protest and low and behold he turned up with his dog and my brother, of all people. After that… I don’t think he wanted to leave, even if he said he did. He kept showing up. I think that was the important part. He showed up. When we found out we were pregnant with you, he was so terrified he got in a car crash on his way home. Ended up in the ER, too.” She laughed softly and shook her head.

“I had no idea what to do. I was young and in politics and the only family I had was Luke. I was terrified your father would leave and damn certain that I would be fine on my own. I think it was sheer stubbornness that kept us together at first. Neither of us were giving up on each other. We got married and made it work.”

Leia paused, her eyes coming back to Ben in the present. “I am  _ not  _ saying you should go out and propose to this girl. I can already see that particular Solo thought forming in your head. She doesn’t need grand gestures. She just needs someone to tell her that no matter what she’s going to be okay. That no matter how ugly it gets, she’s stuck with you. ‘Cause it  _ is _ going to get ugly and you  _ are  _ going to have to be the one to suck it up. She will one hundred percent blame you at some point for putting her in this position. She won’t really mean it, but in that moment she definitely will.”

Maybe everything his mother was telling him should have scared him. Instead, it had the opposite effect. For the first time since Rey had told him the news, Ben felt like he could breathe again. 

Leia squeezed his hood hand. She wore a satisfied, knowing grin on her face. “I think you already know what you have to do. I think you just needed someone else to tell you to do it.”

Ben bit back a grin of his own knowing his mother was right. He just needed to hear it from her. “I know it’s her choice. And whatever choice she makes will be okay. But…”

He wanted it. Family. Her. More than anything he had ever wanted in a long time. He’d been so broken and lost for years.

He had to talk to her. He had to tell her everything. He had to show up and try. “I have to talk to her. I have to go.”

“Absolutely not, Benjamin Organa-Solo! It is one in the morning. You’ve had four cups of hot cocoa and you’ve been in the ER once already today. Absolutely not.” Leia pointed at him sternly with the look she used to whip her senate aids into shape. “You are marching your butt to the shower and then straight to bed. And if you aren’t sitting at that breakfast table at nine A.M. tomorrow, I will personally drive into the city and serve you pancakes.”

The stubborn part of him wanted to protest, Ben knew better than to argue with her. The pain meds and the hot cocoa had him falling asleep already. He wouldn’t make it back to the city tonight, no matter how determined. 

With his mother’s marching orders, he left her for the bathroom and got ready for bed. 

...

He wasn’t at the breakfast table at nine A.M.– more like ten. Hux would be pissed when he didn’t show up in time for the lunch rush (even if it was just to sit around and nurse his hand), but Hux could manage without him. A giant stack of warm pancakes covered in butter and pure maple syrup waited for him beside a cup of strong coffee. His mother sat across from him by the window with her own cup, already ready for the day in her riding clothes. Ben grunted a good morning and dove into the pancakes. 

“Sleep well?”

Ben grunted. 

Leia grinned and took a sip of her coffee. “Before you go, I want to take a look at that hand.”

Ben flexed his hand and grunted again. It was sore and stiff and he did not want his mother prodding around it. 

“I also want you to call. No matter what happens with this girl, okay? If you or her need anything- call.”

Ben nodded. 

His mother narrowed her eyes at him.

“Okay. Okay, I promise I’ll call.”

As the coffee woke him up, his eating slowed. Any confidence and determination he had found last night had disappeared. Maybe that was why his father always went for grand gestures. It was much easier to go all in in the moment than give yourself time to think it over. 

What if it all went to shit? If he had already fucked it up beyond saving? 

Ben looked up and caught his mother’s eye. She shook her head. “I’m not doing whatever speech it was that convinced you last night again. I’m too old for that, Benjamin. So, stop dilly dallying around here and  _ go talk to her. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y’all enjoy my chapter summaries 😂😂
> 
> It’s been a rough week but I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Take care of yourselves and listen to sea shanties. Cause you can’t be sad listening to sea shanties. 
> 
> I haven’t written a lot this month. I’m finding it’s really difficult to write when stressed and the world has been incredibly stressful due to US politics (more than usual). 
> 
> Fear not- I already have three more chapters of this written. More to come <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space momma and space daddy have a little chat *cue careless whisper*

Saturdays were their busiest days and usually her favorites. They were always busy from morning well into the night catering parties or working festivals. Sometimes they’d even park in the bar district until four in the morning serving the city's finest casual drunks. This Saturday, however, was pushing all the wrong buttons. No, she hadn’t thrown up. Instead, nausea was replaced with an intense desire to piss her pants every five seconds which meant walking through festival crowds to wait in line in the heat (which she was not supposed to do circa the fair incident) only to get into the bathroom and force out a wee trickle. 

Rose had been forced to call in Poe and Finn for backup after Rey’s third trip in an hour. 

The only other pro was that the  _ First Order _ truck was nowhere to be found ever since it’s rapid departure from the park yesterday. Rose was still pissed but Rey only found it in herself to laugh. 

She thought that talking to Ben would make her decision easier, but it had only left her pissed off and hurting and sad and just as confused. 

Ben could leave if he wanted to. In fact, it would probably be easier for her if he did. And maybe that's why his truck had left so rapidly. Maybe that was his answer. 

Rey shuffled into the small, hot portapotty for the sixth time. She pushed down her shorts and hover squatted over the hole and finally peed. “Oh, thank the maker.”

She zipped up and hurried back to the truck to wash her hands. She kept her eyes low as she walked. She thought maybe she’d be safe at a Jazz music festival, but no. There were kids and families everywhere she turned. She couldn’t look at the kids without thinking of the one inside her. She couldn’t look at the mothers without thinking of herself or the fathers and Ben. 

How could she be a mother when she didn’t ever have one of her own? Rose was sweet, but she didn’t understand. Neither did Poe or Finn. She had no one to talk to. No one who understood what she was going through. 

She couldn’t bring a child into this world not knowing if she could be its mother. She knew what it was like to be abandoned. She knew what it was like to grow up unloved and unwanted. Rey would never let that happen to her kid. Never. 

She paused to press a hand to her still flat stomach and took a deep breath.

Never. 

Rey hurried down food row and spotted the nose of their truck. The back door was swung open, so Finn and Poe must have shown up. Her hesitation caught her by surprise as she almost tripped over her own feet. She still hadn’t told Finn or Poe. She wasn’t sure what excuse Rose had given them to get them to come in, but she knew it wasn’t ‘Rey has to pee every five minutes come help’. Though maybe they had already been there. Finn did love festivals.

“What part of ‘she doesn’t want to talk to you’ do you not understand?”

Rey froze at the sound of Rose’s angry voice. It was a voice that Rey had only heard the tiny Vietnamese woman use one and a voice that Rey never wanted to be on the receiving end of. 

“I just- Please, just tell her that I want to talk about it. Please.” Ben. That was definitely Ben. Rey beat down the small swell of hope rising in her. 

“I get that, Ben. I heard you the first two times, okay? I think you’ve done enough damage. More than enough. She’s had enough shit in her life without you in it. You don’t know her. You don’t know what she’s been through. So if you’re just here to drag her along and get her hopes up you can just go right along and fuck off.”

“I’m not. I swear. I-” Ben let out a big sigh. “Will you at least tell her that I was here? That I want to talk to her?”

Before she could think twice about it, Rey stepped out from her hiding place and tried to make it look like she hadn’t been listening in. Ben did a double take before realizing it really was her. His eyes shone with hope. “Rey-”

“Rose, will Poe and Finn get here soon?”

“Ah… Yeah? A few minutes.” 

Rey turned to Ben. He had something white in his hand. No, around his hand. “I’m at work. I’ll get to you in a few minutes.”

Ben swallowed. “Okay. Okay. I’ll- er- wait.”

She nodded curtly before climbing back in and heading to the sink to wash her hands. Rose climbed back in behind her and shut the door. 

“I tried to get him to leave.” 

“It’s okay.” Rey stopped the water and dried her hands. “If he wants to talk, I’ll talk to him. I owe him that much.”

“You don’t owe that man anything.” Rose eyed Rey. “And you don’t need him either. You’ve got me.”

“I know I’ve got you.” Rey grinned. “But anyone who can stand up to your angry voice can have a moment of my time.”

It was more like fifteen minutes before Poe and Finn showed up. A little line had formed, but Poe stepped in flawlessly. Finn gave Rey a quick hug and kissed the top of her head. “Heat getting to you, peanut?”

“Ah…” So that had been the excuse Rose gave them. Rey looked away from Finn guiltily. “Yeah. I’m just going to find a lemonade and a shop with AC. No worries.”

“You want me to come with you?”

“No! No. It’s fine. I won’t be long.”

If Finn was suspicious of anything, Rey didn’t catch it. She slipped out the back door of the truck and looked around. She didn’t see him at first and her stomach dropped. He could have changed his mind about whatever he wanted to say. He could be long gone. 

“Rey!”

Rey turned to see Ben’s giant form pushing through the crowd to her. He had a giant lemonade in the crook of his arm and a soft pretzel in his hand- well- in the hand wasn’t holding (?) white cloth. It wasn’t until he got closer that Rey realized the white cloth was actually gauze and wrapped around his hand like a giant mitten bandage. 

“What happened to your hand?”

“Oh.” He glanced down at the bandages. “There was an incident with a knife yesterday.”

“Is that… Why you left the park?”

“Yeah, why-? Oh, Rey, no. It wasn’t… I needed stitches and I couldn’t drive myself so Hux just took the truck. I wasn’t leaving. Not like that. Not like… What you’re thinking.”

Rey took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

“I- ah- I didn’t know what you liked, but morning sickness. So, pretzel. And lemonade.” 

Rey had never seen a grown man so flustered. Would it be so bad… To give him a chance? Rey took the lemonade from arm. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

Ben smiled softly. “I know. I just wanted to.”

Rey’s heart fluttered though she felt like she was getting whiplash from him. The Ben before her was miles away from yesterday’s Ben. She didn’t really know what to say anymore. She had said her piece and now it was Ben’s turn. And if she made him sweat a little over it, maybe that was what he deserved. 

“Can we- There’s a show about to start at the main stage. Did you…?” Ben ran his good hand through his loose waves. 

Rey nodded and tried not to let her giddy hormones take control. This was not a date. This was a serious discussion. “Yeah, sure. We can go watch.”

They made their way through the crowds. Ben had to slow down so she could keep up and kept checking to make sure she was still there and not lost. She tried to hide the blush on her cheeks when he reached back and placed a wide hand on her back to help her through the crowd. She tried not to let her thoughts wander to what else she knew those hands could do. Or how much she missed his touch. 

He led her towards a shaded area of grass overlooking the festival’s main stage. They sat down by an old oak tree and the soulful sound of a sax sang out over the park. In another time, it would have been romantic. Ben took a second longer to sit beside her, pacing and nervous. 

After a second he held the pretzel out to her. Rey raised an eyebrow and took it. What was it with this man and pretzels? She beat down the memories of that night. How gently he had taken care of her and fed her pretzels. 

After she took a bite, Ben sighed and sank to the grass beside her. It was a bit comical to watch him try to find a comfortable way to sit with his long legs. He took another deep breath and Rey waited patiently.

“I…” Ben trailed off and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

She had not been expecting that. 

“I… It’s going to sound like I’m making excuses. And I am. And you’re right. I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you. I’ve never given you any reason to trust me. And the truth is, I’m terrified of you. Of… what you mean to me. And,” Ben took a shuddering breath, “I thought I’d be okay with just one night with you. I thought if we just… I’d be able to get over it. And…” Ben shook his head. “This isn’t about me. Not really. I’ll take you to the clinic and pay for whatever you need.”

“You want me to get rid of it.” Of course he did. It was the right thing to do. The responsible thing to do. 

“Is that what you want?”

Rey sighed and let her head fall. She didn’t know what she wanted. She knew what was the smartest decision- the decision her brain would make. But her heart pulled her towards something she had only dreamed of. Something she never thought she’d get the chance to have. “What do you want?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“It matters to me.”

“I want you.” 

He says it so softly, she almost misses it. “What?”

“I want you. I think I’ve always wanted you. I wanted you to stay that morning. I wanted things to change. I didn’t think it would be like this, but...” Every word seemed like a struggle to say. But every word was true. He flexed his wounded hand and winced. “I feel like the world’s biggest idiot. Like I've fucked everything up and I’m just hoping that I haven’t fucked it up beyond repair. You deserve someone so much better than me. You deserve someone who isn’t completely fucked up. So if you want to get rid of it, I won’t say no. I’d never say no. But if you want to keep it, I want to be there. However you take me. I’ll pay child support. I’ll take you to your doctor’s visits and pay for those. I’ll get you the entire fucking baby section at Target if you want me to. I’ll… cook and clean and change diapers and rub your feet and-”

“Ben-”

“I can disappear too if you want that. Or never leave your side or completely raise the kid on my own or I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want you to feel alone. And I don’t want you to- I don’t want you to get rid of it.”

Rey sucked in a shocked breath. It was all too much to take in at once. He wanted to keep it. He said he wanted her. He said he wanted a lot of things to do with her. 

“Please say something.”

“I need some time. To think.”

“Right.” Ben nodded and frowned. His brows furrowed into deep thought. He picked at the gaze on his hand. “Right.”

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the music. Rey folded her arms over her belly like she was trying to protect herself. What if he decided it was all his? What if he tried to take it from her? What if he thought she was only going through with it for his money? There were so many ways this could go bad. So many ways she could end up hurt again. Alone again.

“Did you mean what you said? About wanting to forget about me?”

“No. No, not… I shouldn’t have said it. I just… It hurt. You were avoiding me and I got in my head after the fair that you didn’t want me or need me and were better off without me. And I thought that if I forgot it would be easier than… Wanting you and not having you when I know… What it’s like to be with you.” Ben rubbed at his eyes. Rey tried to control her breathing and the restlessly  _ wanting  _ hormones flooding through her system. “I’m sorry, Rey. I really… I’m so sorry. And I know you have no reason to give me anything. And maybe I’ll only ever be a mistake to you but I have- I have to try.” 

He wasn’t a mistake. She knew that much for certain. Maker, help her. 

With a shaky hand, she reached out for him and threaded her fingers between his. Her hand looked tiny in his. “You aren’t a mistake. Not to me. Not when I feel it, too.”

She watched as Ben’s smile slowly spread across his cheeks and the tips of his ears turned bright red. His hand squeezed hers gently. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel so alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who’s back and betta than ever! 
> 
> Speaking of betas... would anyone like to beta my writing? I can promise to have my crap together but I can promise you’ll get to read stuff. Send me a message on tumblr?? 
> 
> Took a week off to give myself some time. Have I been writing? Yes. Is it what I need to be writing? No. But it’s still writing so that’s not nothing! 
> 
> I promise... smut in chapter nine... or ten. You know what... no promises except the promise of more smut. At some point. Hang on til then! Space babes need to work through some stuff before that. (Edit/Update: Chapter Ten. Definitely Chapter Ten.) 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @thesnowfire13


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space momma and space daddy go to a doctor appointment. 
> 
> !Please see the end of chapter for medical related warnings!

Slow was not a word that Solos and Skywalkers understood well. His grandfather married a woman ten years his senior after only a few encounters with her. His father was a master of grand gestures. His uncle had dove head first into Buddhism and disappeared to a Tibetan temple. At least that was the last Ben had heard of his uncle. And the last that Ben wanted to hear. 

But Rey had asked for slow. And he would try for her. The fact that she was even letting him near her was a damn miracle. 

All he knew was that he would do anything to not fuck this up. Which was why he was about ten years deep into pregnancy Reddit at 4:00 am on a Sunday. He knew things now that he never wanted to know. If Rey went through with it, she’d be the strongest person he’d ever known. 

He had given her his number at the festival, not expecting her to use it but hoping she would. And now he needed a plan. Ben had never done well with chaos. He was punctual to a fault and could be a little bit of a control freak. But without that desire for control, he could have completely fallen apart by now. 

Kylo huffed and shifted across Ben’s lap. Control and Kylo. Ben scratched the German Shepherd's ears. He had no idea how the dog would react to Rey, let alone a baby. 

Slow. 

She hadn’t even decided if she was going to keep it yet. He shouldn’t worry about how Kylo would react when there was a chance it wouldn’t happen. Still, Ben couldn’t keep his mind from going there. Or worrying about what she was thinking about. He had the strongest urge to go and check on her, but he had no idea where she lived. Though he knew Hux might know, it would be crossing the line into stalker territory to show up randomly. 

The worst part was that he had nothing to do but spiral. His hand had reached the point of healing where it was almost impossible to move because it was so stiff. He couldn’t take the bandages off yet, so that meant that he couldn’t cook. And even if he could, they didn’t run the truck on Sundays or Mondays. So he wouldn’t see her until Tuesday at the earliest and, even then, she hadn’t promised him anything. 

She had until she was 14 weeks along to make a decision, which meant that he had limited time to show her… What? That he wasn’t a complete asshole? That he could be a father? A boyfriend? 

Ben groaned and shut his laptop causing Kylo to lift his head and sniff at Ben’s mouth. “Wanna go for a run, buddy?”

Kylo immediately leapt off Ben’s lap and raced for the door. Ben quickly changed into shorts and a t-shirt and his running shoes. Kylo patiently got clipped into his harness and muzzle (something Ben hated doing, but he couldn’t risk Kylo getting spooked and nipping someone). It had taken years of training for Kylo to be this compliant getting in and out of a harness and muzzle. 

_ “Fuss.”  _ At the command, Kylo immediately came to heel at Ben’s side as Ben gathered his keys. He locked his hand into Kylo’s leash before opening the door and heading out. 

It had been a while since he had been up early enough to watch the sun rise as they ran together. But did it really count as getting up if he never went to sleep in the first place? There were a few people out, but the sidewalks were empty, as was the dog park. Ben let Kylo take care of business, but didn’t let him off leash. Kylo could easily clear the short fence around the park . If the dog saw something that triggered his fight or flight response, Ben knew no amount of commands would get Kylo to listen. 

Maybe he should have chosen an easier dog. But Ben needed Kylo as much as Kylo needed him. 

They ran to the park and stopped to work through commands, then kept going, making it through five miles before looping back to the apartment. It was the longest he’d run in a while, but all his pent up energy had him running until it was gone. 

Kylo, of course, enjoyed every minute of it. They cooled down with burpees and headed back up to the apartment for breakfast and a shower. Ben checked his phone as he set his keys on the counter beside it. 

**Unknown Number 6:43 am**

_ Hey, It’s Rey. _

Ben swiped open his messages, heart racing. 

**Ben 7:12 am**

_ Is everything okay? I was out for a run.  _

To his surprise those three dots popped up right away. 

**Unknown Number 7:13 am**

_ Everythings ok I was just wondering if you were free tomorrow morning. It’s okay if you’re not _

Was she asking him on a date? Had he completely missed that opening to ask her first? Ben shook his head. Maybe she just wanted to talk. 

**Ben 7:13 am**

_ I’m always free if you need me.  _

Kylo whined at his feet and Ben tore his attention away from the phone to take Kylo out of his muzzle and harness. The giant dog shook and stretched and went straight for his automatic feeder a second before the food fell out. 

Rey still hadn’t replied as he changed her contact name. Was it desperate to double text?  _ I’m free if you need me.  _ Was that too much? Did he come on too strong? Ben watched as the “ _ delivered _ ” status flashed to “ _ Read 7:15 am _ ”. Three dots appeared as she wrote out her message. She turned her read receipts on for him. Somehow that felt like a bigger accomplishment than it really was.

**Rey 7:15 am**

_ I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning. I was wondering if you might want to come with? _

Ben frowned. Why would he go to a doctor’s appointment with her? Wait- Oh. Oh, gods she was asking him to come with her to a pregnancy checkup. What did the Reddit call them? Prenatal visits?

**Ben 7:15 am**

_ Yes. Absolutely yes. I will be there. _

_ When and where? _

Do you want me to pick you up?

**Rey 7:16 am**

_ It’s the PP on Edgewood. 10 am _

_ No, that’s okay. Rose will take me. I’ll just meet you there. _

**Ben 7:16 am**

_ I’ll be there _

_ What’s PP _

**Rey 7:18 am**

_ Planned parenthood _

Ben sucked in a deep breath. Had she decided already? He thought he had more time. His sleep deprived brain had already gone down three different, increasingly depressing paths by the time her second text came through. 

**Rey 7:19 am**

_ Just a check up.  _

He really needed to take a nap. 

**Ben 7:20 am**

_ Okay. I’ll be there.  _

_ Do I need to bring anything? _

**Rey 7:22 am**

_ I don’t think so. Just yourself.  _

__ **Ben 7:22 am**

_ I think I can do that.  _

He tried to not let it get to him too much when she didn’t reply. She had asked him to an appointment. For their kid. Their possible kid. That had to be enough for now. He resisted the urge to open up his laptop again and dive into the world of prenatal visits. Instead, he climbed into bed and fell asleep as Kylo settled in beside him. 

…

If he couldn’t go as quickly as he wanted, Ben’s brain seemed to decide to go overboard. He already had a list of things in his Amazon cart and he had to keep reminding himself that she wasn’t ready. She might never be ready, especially not with him. 

Ben hated himself for getting caught up in it. He knew better than to lean into hope, especially one this fragile. Especially one he hadn’t realized he wanted so badly until he got a chance at it. He was thirty-four with nothing but a slew of casual and toxic and disastrous relationships behind him. He wanted to do better by her. He had to do better. 

So, he was waiting outside of the Planned Parenthood in his car a half-hour early with a coffee in one hand and a tea waiting for Rey in the cupholder with a blueberry muffin. It was a gesture he had thought of on another ten mile morning run with Kylo. But the moment he had gotten up to the barista, the list of drinks had caused him a two minute crisis that held up the line until he could sputter out, “Can pregnant women have caffeine?”

The poor barista had stared at him wide-eyed until the middle aged woman behind Ben had sighed and said, “Will you just go for a tea and get on with it?”

So, tea. 

Tea and… were those protestors?

He had been so worried about the coffee and spotting Rey as she arrived that he hadn’t even noticed the small group of people gathered with signs just outside of the clinic’s property. Did that sign say ‘Murderer’?

Oh, fuck no. No fucking way. Did she have to walk past that every time?

Just as he was about to get out and confront them, a small grey car pulled up beside him and he looked over to see Rey sitting in the passenger’s seat. She looked over and gave him a little smile and wave that sent his heart racing. 

He got out to open her door for her and saw Rose in the driver’s seat with an unconvinced look in her eye. Rey pulled herself out of the car, moving a little stiffly. But she gave him a bigger smile and stepped back to let him close the car door. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Surprisingly, he didn’t sound nervous at all. “Is Rose coming, too?”

Rey shook her head. “They only allow one guest per visitor. And doctors freak her out. She’ll wait here until we’re done.”

“Oh.” Ben swallowed. “I, uh, brought you a tea and a blueberry muffin. I didn’t know what you liked but the barista recommended chamomile. It’s okay if you don’t want it. It's kinda… Hot out here.”

Stupid. Who wanted a hot tea in summer?

“I’ll definitely take the muffin after.” Rey ducked her head. Was she blushing? “They don’t allow food and drink in either. It’s a safety thing.”

Ben frowned and looked back at the protestors. They didn’t look that dangerous- a couple of older guys and a few women. “Are you… I don’t like you coming here.”

“It’s fine. Just ignore them.” Rey stepped closer to him and it took a second for him to realize she was trying to walk towards the clinic. Towards the protesters. When he didn’t move, she slipped around him and gave him a look.  **“Are you coming or not?”**

It seemed like she was going, like the protesters were nothing more than an annoyance. He quickly caught up to her and took up the spot on her right to shield her from them as much as he could. Ben put on the steeliest face he could- the one that usually scared most people off. To his dismay, the protestors didn’t seem to care; they only turned slightly and kept yelling about how abortion was murder and women who got them would rot in hell. To Ben’s surprise there were a few directed at him saying that he should stop her and that he was killing his child. 

Rey kept her head down as they approached, but Ben couldn’t look away, watching each of their movements for any sign of hostility. He wrapped an arm around Rey protectively and to his surprise she didn’t protest. 

By the time they reached the door to the squat clinic building, Ben felt like he had gone through a bloody battle. The door shut behind him and Rey stepped away. She took a deep breath before looking up at him and frowning. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He wasn’t fine. He felt one second from exploding. 

“Ben.” Rey reached out slowly, hesitantly, and he watched in slow motion as her fingers brushed against his shaking fists. “I’m fine. Take a breath.”

He let out his breath then inhaled as deeply as he could, forcing himself to relax. 

_ “Please leave all jackets and backpacks at the door. Show your purses and pockets to the camera by the door. And state your name and appointment time.” _ A man’s staticky voice came over the intercom. 

“Rey Niima. 10 am.” Rey stated clearly. The room they had come into was tiny. There was a little table and a coat rack and a few artistic photos in plastic prints on the walls. The only other door was thick metal with a small six by six window. Like a prison cell. 

“This is a Planned Parenthood?” Ben asked as Rey flipped out the pockets on her shorts.

“Yep. It’s better once we're inside. There was an acid incident a few years back and they had to up their security.” She motioned to him to do the same with his pockets. 

An acid incident. A fucking acid incident? 

**A second after he had his pockets inside out, there was a click and a buzz and Rey pushed through the big metal door.** The lobby they walked into looked more like a regular doctor’s office. There were those cushioned extra-wide wooden chairs along the walls, abstract art above that, and fake plants in pots on the floor. Small TVs played soap operas and there was just about every issue of  _ People _ magazine laid out on coffee tables. The only thing that was different was the sign on the wall encouraging people to donate to the clinic. Rey approached a nurse who was stationed behind a wall of thick acrylic. Ben waited patiently just behind her as Rey got checked in, but was surprised when the nurse asked to see his ID and get his information to be checked in as a guest. 

Once they were both checked in, the nurse gave Rey a paper on a clipboard to fill out and they took a seat. Ben awkwardly tucked his feet underneath him and tried not to pry into what Rey was putting down on the forms. 

“Is it like that… Every time?”

“Like what? The protesters?” Rey didn’t pause in her paperwork. “They’re not always there, but, yeah, pretty much. You get used to it. And usually it’s only once a year I come here.”

Usually. But now it would be, what, once a month? Then twice a month? Then every week? With all that? “Have you ever thought about going somewhere different?”

Rey slowed in her writing, lifting her pen slightly off the page. “No.”

“I can-”

“No.” 

“Why not?” He was struggling to keep his voice down. “This place isn’t safe.”

“ _ This place _ is perfectly fine. Not all of us can afford the world’s best doctors. And I like Dr. Kalonia. I trust her.”

“I told you I’d pay for everything-”

“And I told you I don’t want your money, Ben.”

“It-”

“Rey?” 

Ben looked up to see a nurse looking at them with a frown on her face. All of his nerves returned as Rey got up and headed for the nurse. The conversation wasn’t over, he knew that was for certain, but for now, they were there. 

The nurse took the clipboard from Rey and led them down a small hall. They stopped for Rey’s weight and height which he dutifully looked away from.

_ “A girl never wants a man to know her weight, Benjamin.”  _ His mother once said. 

Rey however was still scowling from his earlier suggestion. The nurse took them to a small room with one of those exam tables like a normal hospital, but this one had weird cup-like plastic bits on metal bars sticking out of the end. Rey took a seat in one of the chairs and Ben tried to squeeze himself into the one beside her as the nurse opened up a computer. 

“Can I get your name and birthday, sweetie?” The nurse had a cheery grin as she clicked through a program on her computer.

“Rey Niima. June 4th, 1994.”

Ben choked on his own spit. 1994. 19-fucking-94. She was 23. Oh, gods, she was 11 years younger than him. He looked up to see the nurse looking frazzled behind her grin and Rey frowning. “What?”

“You’re twenty-three?”

“Yeah…? How old are you?”

“Thirty-” The four got caught in his throat and he saw her relax. “FOur.”

Her lips parted then shut again then parted in a soft ‘oh’ as her cheeks turned bright red. 

“Er…” The nurse turned to the clipboard. “How’s your first trimester, Miss Niima? I see nausea, achiness, sore back, tender breasts, frequent urination.”

Ben wasn’t sure it was possible to Rey to turn more beet red. “Ah… Yes. Nothing has really changed.”

“It’s only been two weeks since your last visit, so that’s to be expected. Usually, we only have mothers come in once a month during the first trimester. Was there a specific reason you came in today?”

Rey shook her head. “No, ah, Doctor Kalonia wants to keep a closer eye on me because of my history.”

_ History? What history? _

“Of course. I see they still have your birth control on here, so I’m just going to put that on pause for now. Of course, if you ever want it back, just give us a call. Are you taking any other medications or supplements?”

“No.” Rey shook her head. 

Weren’t there pregnancy multivitamins? Wasn’t she supposed to take those? Ben kept his mouth firmly shut. A few hours researching pregnancy didn’t make him an expert. And it seemed like he was already inching into hot water with Rey. Better to just stay quiet. 

The nurse finished up and told them the doctor would be in shortly before closing the door behind her. The room suddenly felt way too quiet. Rey worried at her lip with her arms crossed and though he had a million questions, he didn’t want to get into something only to get interrupted again. 

“When’s your birthday?” Rey asked quietly. 

“Oh. Uh… May 4th.” Ben ran a hand through his hair trying to push the mess out of the way. “I’m sorry. I just… I guess I never realized how young you were.”

“Are you saying I look old?”

“What? No, not at all. Not like that. You’ve very beautiful. You’re so-” He looked over at her to see her smiling with a wolfish look in her eye. She was teasing him. Getting under his skin the way she liked to. It lasted only a moment before the blush and the sheepish grin returned. 

“You’re gorgeous.” He breathed. Ben swore he heard Rey’s breath hitch as she looked up at him with those soft hazel eyes. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to-

There was a light knock at the door before it swung open and Rey leaned away from him. A tall, thin woman bustled through the door and greeted them both with a wide smile. “Rey! Good to see you. Good to see you. Who’ve you brought with you today?”

“Oh, this is Ben Solo. He’s-” Rey looked at a loss for words for a moment before weakly ending. “He’s the father.”

His heart stopped beating. He was sure of it. She just called him the father. He might be a father. 

Dr. Kalonia’s smile only broadened and she reached out to shake his hand. “Ben, wonderful to meet you. I’m Dr. Kalonia. Rey’s OBGYN. It’s great you’re here. I’m sure we have a lot to discuss.”

Dr. Kalonia took a seat in a high grey swivel chair and set down a file before turning to face the both of them. Ben suddenly felt like he was in high school again- sent to the principal’s office with the idea that he was in trouble and no idea why. Beside him, Rey fidgeting nervously. Her fingers played with the hem of her jean shorts then one of the little gold rings on her fingers before settling over her stomach as she leaned back. Ben’s heart jolted. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself but he was beyond mindful breathing at this point. 

“How have you been feeling, Rey? Aches, pains, nausea? All of the above?”

Rey nodded. “All of the above. I’ve been figuring out what triggers the nausea, so I’ve been able to keep a little more down. Rose said that lots of small meals might help, so I’ve been trying that.”

“Good. That would be my exact recommendation as well. It’s important that you’re not just gaining the fetus’s weight but weight of your own. So eat as much as you can. Whatever you can. Whenever you can. You were already pretty underweight for your height and age. And since you’ve had malnourishment in the past, I don’t want to risk anything else.”

Rey stiffened beside him and he realized that he had turned his hands into fists in his lap. He had so many questions, ones she might never want to answer. 

“Have you given any more thought on the things we talked about last time? Expanding your support network, I see?” Dr. Kalonia cast a careful eye at Ben as she continued, politely oblivious to the tension. 

“Just Ben and Rose.” Rey glanced at him. “Until I can make a decision.”

“And Ben?”

“What?” Ben tore his eyes away from Rey.

“How have you been handling the news?”

How has he- How?

“Okay.”

“He didn’t faint at least.” Rey gave him a small smile. “Not like me.”

“That was heat exhaustion, correct?” Dr. Kalonia asked. Rey nodded.

That day. 

He should have stayed. He should have never walked away from her while she was still in that First Aid building. 

“I… We’re trying to figure it out, I hope.”

“How are you feeling about Rey possibly choosing to have an abortion?”

This doctor did not hold back. He could see why Rey liked her. “I’m okay with it. I’ll be okay with whatever she chooses. I just… Want her to be happy.”

Rey gave him a little smile. 

“And if she wants to keep it, I want to be there for that, too. For everything.”

Doctor Kalonia tried to hide her smile. “That’s good to hear. I know that this can be a stressful time and decision for all parties involved and I just want you to know that there’s people out there going through the same thing. I’ll have the ladies at the front hook you up with some resources. For now, Rey, I’ll have you put on a gown and hop up on the table for an exam and we’ll draw some more blood, just to make sure everything is going okay. If you want, we can also do an ultrasound, but I am going to leave that up to you. It can be really overwhelming to see that for the first time and I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

With that she gave a look to Ben as if she knew exactly how much he wanted this baby. 

Rey shook her head. “Not today.”

Ben tried to not let his disappointment show. The doctor stood. “I’ll pop out for a minute and let you get undressed.”

As the tall woman left Ben was thrust into an awkward silence with Rey. It was only then that he realized she was supposed to take off her pants and put on the hospital gown. “Ah… I can leave.”

“You’ve already seen it once. Can’t be much worse the second time.” Rey stood. 

Ben could feel the blood rushing to his ears. “It’s different now.”

Rey’s face fell slightly as she turned away from him and grabbed the dressing gown. “It’s fine.”

Rey went quiet as she threw on the dressing gown and wriggled out of her shoes and shorts. She kept the gown tight around her as she sat on the exam table. Before Ben could say anymore or figure out the sad look on her face, there was a soft knock at the door and Dr. Kalonia walked back in. Ben sat back uncomfortably in his chair. 

“Perfect. Just lay back and I’m going to press on your uterus a little then a quick pelvic exam. Then Nurse Pava will be in for a blood sample.”

Rey laid back on the table, her face pale as she stared up at the fluorescent lights. He wanted to stand up, to be by her side and take her hand and give her something to smile at. Dr. Kalonia quickly prodded around Rey’s belly. “All good so far. Scoot down to the end of the table. Feet in the stirrups please.”

Rey shifted down the table and placed her feet in the plastic cups. So, that’s what those were for. Dr. Kalonia gently parted Rey’s knees and Ben found himself looking anywhere but at Rey after seeing the discomfort on her features. He felt like he was having another panic attack. He hadn’t had one in years. He tried to focus on his breathing and the shaking of his knee as the doctor said, “Okay. Real quick. Just my fingers today. Your pap smear came back negative and all your blood work looked clean last time, so just checking for physical abnormalities today. We’re still waiting on those genetic tests. The state lab gets all sorts of backed up this time of year. Perfect, you’re all done.”

Rey breathed a small sigh as Doctor Kalonia removed her gloves and got ready to leave. “That’s everything today. You’ve got my number and you’re always welcome to call the office for any questions, okay?”

Rey nodded as she sat up. Her eyes flickered to his. 

“You can get dressed and the nurse will be back in, in a minute. I’ll see you in a few weeks.” The doctor stepped out of the room leaving them alone. Rey slid off the table and quickly stepped back into her shorts and shoes. 

Ben found himself at a loss for words. “Is it- ah- painful?”

Rey smiled a little. “About as painful as getting a rectal exam, old man.”

Ben snorted. “I’m not that old.”

“Are you sure? I’m sure the nurses here would say it’s never too early.”

“I am not getting my prostate checked today.”

“Some other time then.” Rey winked and if he hadn’t been sitting he might have fallen over. Did she- was she saying-

There was a knock and the door opened to the nurse from earlier coming in with a tray of needles and vials. Rey’s lips pressed into a hard line as she stared at the tray. “Just a vial today, Miss Niima. I’ll have you take a seat on the table again.”

Rey sat down on the table. Her hands gripped the edge until her knuckles turned white. He couldn’t just sit there. The nurse strapped a band around Rey’s arm and gave her a little ball to squeeze and build up her blood pressure. Ben stood as the nurse grabbed the needle and started looking for veins. Rey looked over at him with a frown on her face. She didn’t have to ask and he didn’t have to say anything as Rey quietly reached for his hand. 

“Just focus on me.” He said softly. “I was actually hoping, maybe, if you want, that I could take you out for lunch. Or dinner. I know Rose brought you but maybe… If you’re free?”

He was rambling now and only able to focus on her face to make sure she wasn’t looking at the needle now stuck in her arm. 

“Are you asking me on a date, Ben Solo?” She was giving him a pained smile, more to do with the fact of getting her blood drawn than anything he was saying. 

“Yeah.”

“Dinner is good.”

“And that’s it! We’ll have those results to you in about a day.” Nurse Pava smiled as she took off her gloves and gathered her things. “Just stop at the desk to check out.”

Ben thanked her as she left and Rey sat up. 

“You can let go of my hand now.” Rey looked up at him and grinned. 

“Oh, right.” Ben dropped her hand and took a step back as she got off the exam table. He followed her out of the exam room and back the way they came to the acrylic windows. He stayed off to the side as Rey spoke to the nurse at the front desk until Rey started fishing through her bag. She pulled out a wallet. 

“Wait.” 

Rey paused. “What?”

“Let me. Please.” 

Rey looked pained as she looked at him. “No, it’s okay. I’ve got it.”

“Please.” It was the least he could do. He was the one who got her into this. “I want to.”

He took out his wallet and set down his card. Rey’s face hardened as he did so. That was fine. She could be pissed about it if she wanted to be, but that didn’t change the fact that he was going to help her pay for this. 

“It’s two hundred fifty-three and seventy-five cents. Would you like that all on the car and to pay for it all today?” 

Beside him, Rey let out a shaky breath. Ben frowned. “Is that through insurance?”

The nurse glanced at Rey. “We don’t have insurance on file for this account.”

She didn’t- Ben held in an exasperated sigh. “That’s fine. Put it all on the card, please.”

Ben paid quickly and they walked out of the building a few minutes later. The protesters, thankfully, were nowhere to be found. Rose had already left, so they made their way to his car. Rey walked ahead of him quickly, her arms crossed over her chest. 

She didn’t speak until they reached Rose’s car. Rey turned on her heel to face him, fuming at him. He almost felt terrified if she wasn’t so goddamn beautiful. “You can’t just pay for my doctors visits like it’s a fun little date. I can pay for my visits myself.”

“I know-” Ben caught himself. No, if every visit was that expensive and happening at least twice a month, that would put almost anyone in the hole. “Actually, no. You can’t.”

“Excuse me?” Rey looked very much like she would take great pleasure in stabbing him. Ben fought back a grin. 

“You’re really going to be able to pay off $250 every two weeks. And then all the hospital bills later? On no insurance? I know how expensive this city is and I know how much that truck makes. You can’t do that, Rey.”  
  
“I don’t need you to take care of me. I can take care of myself.” Rey growled, pressing forward until they were standing toe to toe. Ben didn’t give an inch.

He moved closer to her, fighting with every breath not to take her right where they stood. Her breath hitched and his eyes flickered to her lips. When he looked up again, he could see the conflict in her eyes. The want. The fiery anger. “You weren’t complaining when I took care of you that night.”

Rey screwed her mouth shut and glared at him. It was the face she always made when she knew he was right, but didn’t want to admit it. 

Ben took a deep breath. “At least let me pay for half.”

Rey shifted and wrinkled her nose. 

“Let me pay for half and I get you insurance. And, in return, I don’t say anything else about your choice of doctor.”

Rey sniffed. “Fine.”

Ben’s lips curled into a feral grin. “Good girl.”

“Fuck you.”

“We both know you want to.” Ben unlocked his car and stepped away from her, not oblivious to the way Rey swayed towards him before catching herself. “I’ll pick you up at 7. Be ready.”

Ben closed the door before she could reply and left her standing in the parking lot. 

…

Rey stood for a moment, unable to move as she watched Ben’s car drive away. She fought against the urge to scream obscenities after him. Instead, she yanked open her car and slammed it shut behind her. 

_ Fucking fuck fucker. Fuck him. Fuck him and his ridiculous hands.  _

Rose took a deep breath to break Rey’s fuming silence. “So, uh. What the hell was that?”

Rey said nothing. 

“I mean I knew the mutual pining was through the roof but that sexual tension was astronomical.”

Crickets. 

“Okay. Silent treatment. I get it…” Rose tapped her nails against the steering wheel. “Do you want to stop for a jelly donut?”

Rey shifted in her seat and dramatically scrunched her nose. 

“Yesiwantajellydonut.”

Rose sighed and shook her head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content and Trigger Warnings: 
> 
> This chapter contains a visit to a Planned Parenthood clinic where there are protestors present. If you would like to skip the protesting content, please pay attention to BOLDED lines. These two lines mark the start and end of this content. 
> 
> The events in this chapter pertaining to clinics and protesters are based on my one visit to a women’s clinic (not PP). So.... that’s a fun fact for you. 
> 
> Moving on to happier things, I want to take a moment to give a huge shoutout and thank you to abakerstrilogyhasfourbooks for being my first beta reader! It is hugely appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby momma prepares for her date with Baby daddy *cue panic mode*

Rey paced her small apartment. All she could think about was Ben. Ben and his smile. Ben holding her hand through getting her blood drawn. Ben being so  _ fucking  _ demanding. 

_ It felt nice though, right? _

Traitor. 

She didn’t want to like Ben. He was snobbish and pretentious. He hated her doctor. He hated her job. If he knew what the rest of her life looked like, would he turn his nose up at that, too? He was the type of guy she could picture dating supermodels. He certainly had the lifestyle for it. 

How could a guy like him ever want a desert junkrat like her? Her most expensive outfit she got on sale for $50 at Macy’s and only at Rose’s urging. The one bougie area she excelled at was fine dining because she had sacrificed tens of thousands of dollars for a four-year degree in culinary studies that she would be paying off for the rest of her life. 

Rey groaned and fell face-first into her bed. 

He had been so sweet to her though, both in bed and out of it. There was a side to him that she really liked. One that seemed to be hidden by all sorts of barriers. She was drawn to him in every way, even if she wanted to slap him sometimes. 

It’d be difficult enough to convince herself to give him a chance without the timebomb in her stomach. Especially when Rose seemed less than enthused that Rey was letting Ben into her life. 

What was the harm of one date?

Even if said date had a hell of a lot of pressure on it for obvious reasons.

Rose had left her at their apartment as soon as they got back. She had an interview for a temporary holiday position at one of the higher-end restaurants as a hostess. So, Rey was left to her own fretting, worrying devices. 

Her fingers itched for something, anything that she could do to distract herself. Rey pushed herself out of bed with a pitiful groan and went to the kitchen to stare at her pantry. After a moment’s thought, she pulled flour, salt, and yeast from her stocks. They had some fresh rosemary and garlic, so she began to make her favorite focaccia recipe. She always loved to make bread when she was stressed. You had to pay attention to precise measurements, humidity, temperature, rise times. Then, of course, you got to beat the shit out of it sometimes. 

Plus while it was rising she could busy herself with deep cleaning the kitchen. Then the bathroom. Then her bedroom. 

Though her bedroom gave her pause. Would they come back to her place? Probably not. But what if he dropped her off and she wanted to invite him up? What if- Rey tore through her room cleaning up as much as she could and stuffing the rest of it into her closet. Her room wasn’t much to look at. It was functional. The bed sheets were clean and the bed was full-sized which was a huge upgrade from her shitty dorm twin. Though she was sure Ben would make her bed look like it belonged in a Barbie Dollhouse- and why is she thinking about him in her bed?

Bedroom. Bad idea. 

It wasn’t like she wanted to have sex with him tonight, right?

Right?

Well, it wasn’t like she could get pregnant. Again. 

Rey snorted and covered her mouth in shock. She looked around her apartment to see if anyone was there, but of course, it was empty. 

She was going crazy. 

Rey buried herself in her fresh focaccia, but even the savory bread could not calm her nerves. 

Two hours. Two hours until Ben came to pick her up. The apartment was spotless. There was no more time to bake anything else. She’d already eaten more of the focaccia than she should have, but it hadn’t come back up which was a win in her books. 

No woman should have more than an hour and a half to get ready. Rey started off fine in the shower, but it descended into a war about whether to shave or not. So, her shower took over half an hour. Then she dried her hair and attempted to style it, but that led to a whole other crisis which was the same but different continuation of the shaving conundrum a la how much effort she wanted to put into this. She didn’t even know what Ben’s plans were. Should she dress up or go for something more comfortable? What would it even matter? Did he really like her or was this just pity? 

When Rose came home forty minutes before Rey was supposed to be picked up by Ben, Rey was still sitting half-ready in a towel on her bed, staring at her closet. 

Rey barely moved as Rose sat down beside her. But when Rose wrapped an arm around her shoulder, Rey leaned into her friend and groaned pitifully. 

“Stuck on what to wear?” Rose asked. Rey shrugged noncommittally. “Psyching yourself out like you always do?”

Rey nodded. “I’m not any good at this. I mean, it was months of nothing before Ben, and now… Gods I want to throttle him. I just feel like I’ve messed- I’ve messed everything up before it could be anything.”

Rey whimpered and Rose brought her hands up to Rey’s face, shushing her. “Shhh. Everything will be okay. Don’t cry. Your eyeliner is far too perfect to ruin. Seriously how the hell did you get better than me? I perfected the cat eye.”

Rey couldn’t help but giggle. “I learned from the best.”

Rose grinned. “Look, sweetie. I’ve never been one to tell you how to live your life. But… even though I’m still kinda pissed at Ben for how he’s treated you, I think he really likes you. And from what you’ve told me, it sounds like he cares about you at least a little bit. You sound like you want to give him a chance, and I will stand by you in whatever you say or do or feel or want cause I’m your best friend, bitch. So if you wanna go on this date, I will hype you up and be your getaway car. But if you don’t want to go on this date, I will call Ben and tell him to fuck off, and then we will put on sweats and go to Target and buy out Ben and Jerry’s. So, what do you want to do?”

“Ben and Jerry’s sounds really good…” Rey frowned as she tried to sort out the giant pool of emotions she was floundering around in. It seemed to get deeper with every passing day. 

“But?” Rose prompts her. 

“But, I want to go on this date.” 

Rose grins. “Perfect. I am going to make this man lose his goddamn mind over you.”  
There’s an unabashed bit of crazy in her friend’s eye that Rey knows and loves all too well. Rey groans, “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

Rose only shrugs. “Nah, I think you’ll thank me later. Or Ben will. I’m not picky.”

...

“Quit. Fidgeting.” 

Rey groaned as Rose pinched her face between her hands. Rose held a tube of red lipstick in her other hand like a medieval dentist held tooth-yanking pliers. Rey, the unwilling victim, moaned pathetically but acquiesced to Rose’s loving torture. Rose expertly applied the lipstick and grinned. 

“I think this is my best work yet.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you, too.” Rose winked as she capped the lipstick. “Now. Phone charged? Money in your shoe? Mace in your bag? And you’ll text me your location when you get there?”

“Yes, mom.” Rey rolled her eyes and stood up, finding her balance in her low heels. Rose had put her in that $50 dress and pulled her hair half up in a bun. Little tendrils framed her face. Rey smoothed the red dress in the mirror. She supposed she should wear it as much as she could… In a few months, it might not fit anymore. 

Rey pushed that particular thought away before she could think about it further. It was replaced by more worrying thoughts about Ben and dating and dates. 

This was going to be a disaster. 

She jumped at the knock on the front door and struggled to control her breathing. It was alright. She would survive. It wasn’t the end of the world. She could do this. It was just a date. 

Rey grabbed her phone and bag off of her bed. In the living room, the front door opened and Rose was speaking to Ben. She could hear the low resonance of his voice and a little spark of bravery fired through her. He showed up. He was here. And he wanted her. 

He wanted her. 

He said it himself just days ago. 

She couldn’t screw that up. 

Rey took a deep breath and stepped out of her room. The living room went quiet and Rey bravely lifted her eyes to see him. Ben Solo stood before her, a bouquet in hand, and the softest, loveliest smile on his lips that she had ever seen. 

_ Fuck him. _

Rey’s heart skipped a beat. 

_ Fuck him.  _

All of the air felt like it had been sucked from the room. All that was left was him. His eyes finally met hers and his smile faltered; he looked as if he had been hit by a bus.

_ Fuck him. Fuck him for looking at me like that.  _

He wore all black as usual, but his usual jeans and a t-shirt had been abandoned for a button-down and slacks. Rey felt a rush of relief when she realized she wasn’t too overdressed. But now she was stuck, not sure what to do or say to break the moment between them. 

Rose cleared her throat, jarring the two of them back to reality. “Well, as much as I love being a third wheel, I hope you have plans outside of the apartment because mine includes getting wine drunk and watching the Bachelor with Poe and Finn.”

“Right.” Ben swallowed hard as he looked away from Rey. Rey could barely bring herself to do the same. “Oh- Hux wanted me to give you something.”

Rose’s face lit up before turning bright red. She squeaked, “He did?”

“Yeah, uh, here.” From his front pocket, Ben pulled out a small black box and handed it to Rose. Rey raised a brow as Rose quietly took the box, staring at it for a moment. Rose didn’t take her eyes off it, even as she spoke. 

“She has a 1:00 am curfew, Benjamin Solo. I expect her back no later.”

“Rose!” Rey hissed. “Please. Leave.”

When she looked up at Ben he still had that smile on his face. Rose huffed and went off to her room with the mysterious box in her hand. 

“So, er-”

“You look beautiful,” Ben breathed, caught up. “I mean you always look beautiful.”

“What, even with grease stains all over me?” Rey laughed, expecting Ben to just brush off the question. Instead, he replied sincerely, like it was the most important question in the world. 

“Yes. Especially then.”

Rey sucked in a shallow breath and squirmed uncomfortably beneath his intense, dark eyes. “Can you… Not look at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like… That. Exactly like you are right now.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ben said while giving her the impression he knows exactly what he’s talking about. She fought against the soft timbre of his voice drawing her in, but he’s the one who steps towards her. “Do you want me to stop?”

Her throat closed up as she looked up at him. He’s close enough now that she could smell the earthy, fiery scent of his cologne. Rey swallowed. “Yes.”

Ben took a small step back, his eyes dropping away from her. And just like that, all the tension in the room was completely gone, though she still felt its effects. She was left with a small nagging feeling in her chest akin to loneliness. Even though he was still in the room. Even though it was still Ben she’s talking about. 

_ Arsehole.  _

Ben gestured to the flowers. “These are for you.”

Even though he’s been holding them the entire time, it’s only then that Rey looks down at the small bouquet in his hand of red flowers.

“Nightbloomers?” She reached out and touched the soft petals, memories overwhelming her. 

“I know they’re not typical- well, they aren’t roses. I- They reminded me of you.”

She pushed away those memories of her past. The dark ones she refused to think about, to let take over her mind. Her hands still shook as she took the flowers from him though she tried to pass it off as nerves. “They’re my favorites actually. Thank you.”

“They are?” Ben grinned widely, though it faltered when he saw her face. “Are you okay?”

_ Shit.  _

She wasn’t the world’s greatest actor, she knew that. But she thought she could pass it off better than that. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll just put these in water and then we can go.” Rey took the flowers from Ben’s hand, making sure she didn’t touch him as she did. She was too on edge tonight for that. Rey knew she didn’t own a vase and she was pretty sure Rose didn’t either, so she fished out a large mason jar and quickly filled it with water, and dropped the flowers in. She’d be fine. She just had to make it for a couple of hours. She could deal with the emotional fallout later. Rey turned to Ben and squared her shoulders with a smile on her face. “Ready?”

Ben gestured out the door. “I hope you like Italian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day early because y'all are amazing 
> 
> If you haven't seen Iliza's stand-up segment about getting ready for a date, [I highly recommend it.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHqvkhkaoWo) Plus the rest of her Netflix specials :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night ;)

Ben was more nervous for this date than he had ever been for anything in his entire life. Even as he was presenting a four-course meal to the head chef in culinary school he’d been unnervingly calm. He knew what he was doing then. He had no kirfing idea what he was doing now. The stakes seemed so much higher. 

It was his first date with Rey. It had to be perfect. He couldn’t let her not see how much he cared for her, how much he wanted her in his life. And- 

Ben took a deep breath and held it for five seconds before slowly letting it out. 

No grand gestures. No going off the deep end. No marriage proposals. His mother had made that very clear. 

Thirty-four years old and he was actually taking dating advice from his _mother_ of all people. 

But they had barely left her apartment and he was already screwing up. She was so beautiful all he could do was stand there and gape at her like an idiot. And he was ninety-percent sure he had upset her with the flowers, though he wasn’t sure how or why she was upset when she said they were her favorites. 

He just had to stick to his plan. He was taking her to the best Italian in the city and then if she was feeling up to it, he wanted to take her to his favorite venue in the city. And maybe, just maybe, if he were incredibly lucky- she would dance with him. 

Mostly he just wanted to talk to her, to know everything about her, to make her laugh and smile and fuck- he’d never been this gone for someone so quickly. 

So far, he was failing at that, too. 

Rey sat in the passenger’s seat next to him casting nervous glances his way. He was doing the same to her. And the only thing saving the both of them was the low din of the radio playing. 

“So, er- Where are you taking me?”

Had he not told her? Son of a- “Maz’s. Have you heard of it?”

Rey shook her head. “Nope, but… If you like it, it can’t be horrible.”

“Was that a compliment?” Ben smirked as he turned down a quiet street. 

Rey rolled her eyes with a small smile. “If it was, it’s the last you’ll ever hear.”

Most of the shops on the street were closed for the night already, but there was one tiny storefront with lights in the windows. From the outside, it didn't look like much, but that little storefront held one of the city’s best culinary secrets. The curtains were mostly drawn, but what was visible of the inside flickered with candlelight and shadows of people moving around. Ben pulled into a parking space and shut off the car. He hurried out to open the door for Rey and offered her his hand.

She peered up at him like no one had ever done that before. Opened the door for her. Taken her hand. Been any sort of a gentleman to her. After a moment’s hesitation, Rey placed her hand in his and stepped out of the car. As soon as she was steady, Rey’s hand left his. He felt the absence of it far more than he should have- like the sting after being shocked. Ben flexed his hand at his side before following her towards the restaurant door. 

The interior of Maz’s was warm and dim with candlelight and the soft fiery glow emanating from the pizza oven in the corner of the room. Patrons sat at small tables, murmuring over glasses of wine and plates of food. Soft acoustic music played in the background. The quiet was quickly interrupted, however, by the opening of the kitchen doors and a loud greeting. 

“Ben Solo!”

All eyes of the restaurant turned to the short woman yelling his name. Maz Kanata was a tiny force of nature with coke-bottle glasses and a colorful scarf woven around her grey hair. It didn’t take long for all eyes to move from Maz to Ben. Rey stood stiffly beside him. 

“Uh. Hi, Maz.”

“Ben Solo, it’s been far too long.” Maz shook her head and waved her hands in the air. Like she had flipped a switch, the patrons of the restaurant went back to their conversations and all eyes fell away from them. Such was the magic of the strange Italian woman. She crossed the room to them quickly to pat Ben on the arm in greeting. “When I saw your name on the reservations, I didn’t believe it. Though I always knew you would come back around, young man. I made your favorite though you don’t deserve it when you haven’t even called your auntie. Have you forgotten everything your mother taught you?”

“No, unfortunately.”

Maz tisked. “Solo men. How your mother handles you both, I’ll never know. I can hardly keep track of my husband when he’s around your father. Be wary of this one.”

Maz winked at Rey. 

“Maz!” Ben hissed.

Rey quietly giggled. 

“Have you called her lately?” Maz adjusted her glasses as she peered up at him with suspicious eyes. Maybe it was a bad idea to bring Rey here on a first date. Maz liked to know everything- even the things she already knew. She was no stranger to Ben’s past and all the mistakes he made. And by the end of the night, Ben was sure that Maz would know more about his business than he knew himself. 

Ben sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “I went and saw her the other day actually.”

“Hmm.” Maz regarded him carefully, then Rey, and nodded. “Well, come along now.”

Maz hurried off and Rey glanced up at him. He could see the questions forming in her head already. Ben gave her a small smile and gestured for her to follow Maz. He fought against the urge to place a guiding hand on the small of her back. It was taking everything in him to keep his damn hands to himself. Maz sat them at a table in a cozy dimly lit corner of the restaurant. A rose and a candle served as a centerpiece. Ben quickly pulled out Rey’s chair for her before sitting down across from her. He hid his hands under the table. They were shaking uncontrollably now. Ben took another deep breath and looked up at Rey. 

Her eyes shone bright hazel in the candlelight. The golden hue of her eye shadow shimmered against her glowing skin. Rey was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on and that really wasn’t helping his nerves at all. She looked away from the local art decorating the walls to him. 

_Shit._

_I should say something. What the fuck do I say?_

He was saved by the arrival of their server. Emmie was an older woman with jet black hair and a no-mischief attitude. Ben was pretty sure she had worked at Maz’s since before he was born. She was just as much a part of the restaurant as its mysterious owner. Ben knew Emmie knew who he was; they had worked together and learned to loathe one another. But she plastered on a customer service smile for the two of them. “Maz has prepared your courses for you. So, no need for a menu. Can I get you anything ahead of the meal?”

“Just a water, thank you.” Rey’s sweet smile did nothing to charm their waitress and everything to key up his anxieties to eleven.

“And a whiskey for you, I’m guessing.” Emmie turned an unamused eye to him. Ben swallowed and shook his head. 

“Water’s fine. Thanks.”

Emmie grunted and walked away. 

When he found the nerve to look back at Rey, she was looking at him curiously. “Good friend of yours?”

“Emmie and I used to work here together. Maz taught me how to cook.”

“You learned to cook here?” Rey looked around the tiny restaurant as if she was taking it in in a whole new light with that information. 

“I spent a lot of summers here. She’s my aunt. Sort of. She married my father’s best friend Chewie.” She and Chewie were more his family for those summers than his own parents ever were. He left that part out. 

“Did you always want to be a chef?” 

Such a simple question with a complicated answer. “I think so. Yeah. Didn’t always work out like that though.”

“How do you mean?” Rey asked. He knew she was just trying to be polite. Ask him questions and get to know him. He just didn’t expect to get into the deep, dark things so quickly. 

“It’s… Complicated.” 

“You can tell me about it,” Rey said quietly. She was so soft. So open. He didn’t deserve someone like her. She must have sensed his hesitation, adding, “If you want to.”

“Maybe another time.” He gave her a small smile, hoping it didn’t look too sad. Everything that happened with Snoke, with his uncle still haunted him. It was still hard to talk about without getting worked up. 

Luckily-- or, maybe, unluckily-- they’re interrupted by Emmie placing waters down in front of them. Along with an aperitivo of green olives, crisps, and two soft cheeses, then a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. _Shit._

“We don’t need-”

“It’s alcohol-free. Your food will be out soon.”

Rey stiffened, looking between him and Emmie. Before he could say anymore, Emmie was already back in the kitchens. And now there was a bottle of alcohol-free wine sitting between them like a blazing sign pointing out the elephant in the room sitting between them. This date was going swimmingly. 

“Do they- Uh- do they know?” 

Coming here was a very bad idea. So bad. He could feel himself starting to freak out. His heart pounding, his lungs constricting. A stream of expletives raced through his head as he tried to offer up an explanation. “I… When I cut my hand- Hospital- I told my mom. Maz knows everything- I’m going to go to the restroom. I’ll be back in a minute.”

He got up before Rey could say anything else. He made it to the restroom in less than five strides. 

Ben locked the door behind himself and bowed over the sink to splash his face with water. The cool water took away some of the panic. So, he settled in on trying to practice his breathing exercises he learned in his two years of therapy. Maybe it was time to go back. He could just hear Holdo telling him that it was only natural for him to freak out about big, unexpected life changes. Maybe the woman could help him not completely screw everything up with Rey. Part of him wanted to text Hux, but the man had to deal with enough of his shit already.

He could do this. It was just a date. With Rey. 

_Fuck._

Ben ran his wrists under cold water and splashed his face one more. His breathing had returned to something resembling normal at least. And his hands weren’t shaking as bad. He had no idea how long he had been in there though. It could have been two minutes or ten; there was no way to tell. He adjusted his hair quickly to hide his beet-red ears and took a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom. 

Rey was still there at the table. She had poured herself a glass of fake wine and had a worried look on her face. Ben could only hope he hadn’t screwed this up too majorly. 

_She’s still here at least._

Rey smiled as he sat back down. When she said nothing, he knew she was trying to be polite and pretend like whatever had just happened hadn’t. A get-out-of-jail free card for him. He asked the first question that came to mind. 

“Did you always want to be a chef?”

Rey lit up. _Good._ Food was good. Food was a safe topic. “Always. I’ve always loved cooking and baking. You know Mel and Sue? From the _Great British Bake Off_?”

Ben nodded vaguely. He knew of the show but had never watched it. He just didn’t want Rey to stop talking.

“Well, before the Great British Bake Off, they hosted lunch and breakfast cooking shows on the BBC. I would just sit there and watch them for hours. Wake up just to see what they were making that morning. They were always so happy. I wanted to be like that. To just always be surrounded by good food.”

Ben couldn’t help but smile at the pure joy radiating from her. It was infectious. “Is that how you learned to cook?”

“Sort of.” Rey shifted, taking a sip of her wine. “I… Well, I didn’t have a lot of resources to practice. I grew up in foster care in England.”

 _“Malnourishment in the past.”_ He still hadn’t forgotten what Dr. Kalonia had said. A swirl of emotions rose up inside of him. One breath in. Hold. One breath out. Hold. “How did you end up here?”

Rey seemed to relax at his reply. “I saved up every penny I could to buy supplies and take classes. Took up a job as a cook at a pub as soon as I was old enough. Somehow I got into Coruscant University’s intensive culinary program.”

Ben tensed. It was almost like he knew what would come next. The one thing that could ruin all of this.

“It was a dream come true, but I had no money. No way to buy a ticket or take out loans. I was about to drop out but one of my advisors reached out. Offered me a loan and said he believed in me. I owe everything to Chef Skywalker.”

It was like all the air got sucked out of the room. He could feel the universe laughing at him. Of course, she knew Luke. Of course, she owed everything to that bastard.

“Oh?” He eked out. He gripped the edge of the table. 

Rey frowned and set her glass down. “Ben, what’s going on?”

He should never have- He couldn’t even get through one date without having a full-blown panic attack. He should be able to talk about this. He should have been prepared. That’s what people did on dates. They talked to each other. They asked about families and school and work and hobbies. They didn’t freak out over their date knowing their uncle or going to the same school as them or- 

Ben lost all train of thought as Rey’s soft touch wrapped around his hand. She gave his hand a squeeze as she tried to catch his eye. “Are you okay? Did I say something?”

“Luke is my uncle. He tried to kill me.”

...

“Luke tried to _what_?”

Ben was falling apart in front of her. His skin had turned pale and sweaty. His hands were vibrating so hard they were shaking the table. And all Rey wanted to do was calm him down. Truth be told, it wasn’t hard to imagine Chef Skywalker trying to murder someone. He was a hardass-- as most chefs were. But still, Rey couldn’t imagine him actually trying to kill someone. Especially if they were his nephew. Even if they did mess up their bolognaise. But whatever had happened was enough to send Ben into a massive spiral. 

“Ben, please look at me.” Rey squeezed his hand once more and the man finally looked up at her. “Take a deep breath.”

His shoulders heaved as he did as she asked. She led him through a round of breathing. 

“Do you want to leave?”

“Do you?” Ben’s voice cracked, shattering her heart. 

Rey shook her head. This wasn’t how she expected her date to go. But she and Ben seemed to be forming a track record for unconventional and messy encounters. “No, I don’t want to leave. I want to figure out what Maz is making for us.”

She grinned as Ben chuckled and groaned, taking his hand from hers to press his palms against his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve never been great at dates.”

“Me either. Honestly, I freaked out before you picked me up. I deep cleaned my entire apartment and made focaccia.”

“Focaccia?”

“Any kind of bread, really.” The more Rey talked, the more Ben seemed to relax. “Beating it into submission helps me relax.”

Ben grinned. “I bake.”

“Ben Solo has a sweet tooth?” Rey teased. Ben flushed beautifully. 

“Only for you, princess.” It’s like a switch has flipped and Ben has control of himself again. It seemed he was frustratingly good at that. 

A throat clears and they both look up to see Emmie standing there with the antipasto dish of meats and cheeses. She set the dish down between them and took away their barely touched aperitivo dish. Rey was pretty sure Ben hadn’t touched it at all. Which was good since she had accidentally, nervously ate all the crisps while Ben was in the bathroom. 

“How did you go from Coruscant to… Here?”

“You mean how did I go from the best culinary school in the States to working in a food truck?” Rey laughed. “I could ask you the same thing.”

From the look in his eyes, Rey knew it had something to do with Luke. She didn’t want to press him if he didn’t want to talk about it. Ben would tell her… When he was ready. 

“I know I should be working- Could be working- anywhere I wanted to. New York. Paris. For the best chefs in the world. Maybe one day I could be one of those chefs.” Rey picked at a piece of salami and carefully smothered it in soft cheese. “But the more I looked at that life, the more I realized how much I didn’t want it. I wanted to make ridiculous fusion dishes in my tiny kitchen with Rose and Poe. I wanted to make people happy. People who were _like me_ not… Elitist food critics.”

She didn’t expect Ben to understand. None of her classmates or professors or advisors had. So, she kept her eyes on the tiny plate of foods in front of her as she spoke.

“I didn’t always have access to food growing up. I think for a while I was surviving off of scraps. And when I was placed in the system, the fosters I lived with either didn’t have enough money to feed me or didn’t feed me out of spite. So I would watch Mel and Sue and dream up elaborate dishes that I would create. I spent my money on herbs and spices to add to my school lunches. I learned to cook from a line cook named Crazy Fred. He learned to cook in prison.”

Rey snorted, remembering her old companion. She hadn’t heard from Fred in years, not since he went back to jail. He was a bit strange but nice enough. When she realized she was rambling, Rey didn’t want to look up at Ben. To see the disgust on his face. 

She jumped when Ben’s hand slipped back into hers. When she looked back at him, she didn’t see an ounce of pity on his face. More like… Wonder. Awe. “How the hell are you so amazing?”

Rey swallowed and tried not to laugh. “I’m not. Really. I’m no one.”

“Not to me. You’ve got to stop saying that.”

 _Maker._ Her heart. 

Screw him for making her feel this way. 

“Ben?”

“Yeah?” His entire attention was fixed on her. He had the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. Soft and expressive and filled with light. _I hope they get his eyes._

Whatever she was about to say died on her tongue with that thought. It was a reminder of why she was here. Why Ben was looking at her like that. Would they even be here if she had never gotten pregnant?

Ben waited patiently as Rey tried to corral her thoughts. She was just as much on the edge of freaking out as Ben had been. Rey swallowed.

“Do you like pineapple on pizza?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit late but that's okay! Needed to take a mental rest yesterday. Still need to, if I'm being honest. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the date :)
> 
> P.S. Yes! I did change my username! No longer thesnowfire13
> 
> Follow Me On [Tumblr](https://midnightartemis.tumblr.com/) for any news!
> 
> Thank you abakerstrilogyhas4books for beta-ing!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space momma and space daddy... work... though some issues ;) as promised ;)

He was in love with a woman who liked pineapple on pizza. No. Not just liked. LOVED. And, as much as he hated to admit it, that wasn’t a dealbreaker for him. Because it was Rey. He would smother a pizza in pineapple if it made her happy. 

The fact that she had not only stayed but helped him calm down from his panic attack more than made up for that fact. The fact that she had not run away when he gave her the option was a goddamn miracle. The fact that it was late and they were walking beside the waterfront side by side watching the lights of the city twinkle against the water felt like a dream.

She was going on about the merits of the Bake-off’s Bread Week. He was desperately trying to pay attention to every word coming from her mouth while simultaneously trying to not think about how much he wanted to kiss that mouth. He was failing miserably. At least until she said, “I’m just saying that maybe if you knew the intricacies of bread, your buns wouldn’t be so soggy.”

“Really, Rey? We’re going there?” Ben stopped, forcing Rey to stop beside him. “Have you ever ordered a single meal from us?”

Rey’s mouth dropped open as she stuttered, “I- Ah- Have you ordered from us?”

He had, though he wasn’t about to admit the fact that it was one of the best meals he’d ever had. He had even paid someone else to go and get it for him so it couldn’t be traced back to him. “I have.”

“You- You have?”

Ben smirked, stepping closer to her. Maker, he could smell her perfume- warm vanilla and spice. All he wanted was to take her back to his place and have his way with her. Rey’s breath caught as her eyes drifted down to his lips before darting back up to his eyes. The lights of the bay reflected from her hazel eyes. The last true hints of summer hung in the warm breeze. All Ben wanted to do was take her home and he couldn’t. They hadn’t talked about that night- about what she said and how he reacted and everything between them. 

“I should… Get you home.” Ben took a step back. “Or Rose will have my head.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

He couldn’t look at her. Not when he didn’t know what he would find there when he did. 

Beside him, Rey felt her heart break.

...

It was just hormones. It had to be. It was her only plausible explanation for why she was driving herself insane. It was the only reason for crying over this stupid, stupid thing with Ben. 

He hadn’t kissed her. 

Hell, he’d barely touched her that whole night. Sure, they had held hands at Maz’s but that was far more of a comforting gesture than a romantic one. He had been acting like he wanted to kiss her while she was spewing about the first thing that came to her head. Why that happened to be bread week, Rey had no idea. Stress made her carb-focused. But what she did know was that it had gone in one ear of that man’s head and right out the other. Rey was so sure he was going to kiss her and then nothing. 

Absolutely nothing.

She was so stung from the rejection that she hadn’t given him a chance to walk her up to her apartment. 

Had the doctor’s appointment been too much too quickly? Had she said or done something that had completely turned him off of her? Maybe when he said things were different now, he really meant it. Maybe something had changed between the date and the park. Maybe he realized how much he actually hated her and he was just being nice because he felt obligated. 

And he had been so strange on their date, too. She had never seen Ben like that before. Gone was the asshole she knew. He’d been so pale, so freaked out. And Rey was ninety percent sure it was because of her. Because of… Her situation. And now, over thirty-six hours later, Ben still hadn’t replied to her text asking him if he was okay. 

Her hormones had her swinging wildly from rage to misery every five seconds. Even Rose, who was as much a master at diffusing situations as she was at creating them, couldn’t calm Rey’s nerves. Rey had never felt this out of control. This rejected and hurt. And it shouldn’t even matter! She didn’t need Ben. She didn’t. And he...

He didn’t have to do that to her. He didn’t have to take her out on a date. He didn’t have to tell her that he wanted her at the Jazz festival if he didn’t fucking mean it. She always knew Ben was a bloody bastard, she just never thought he could be a cruel one, too. 

And it was in a fit of hormone-fueled rage that Rey got in her car and drove across town to Ben’s apartment complex and found herself pounding on his door at five in the evening. She didn’t even know he was there for certain until the door swung open and a surprised Ben Solo stared out at her. 

“Rey?”

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” Rey fought back the tears in her eyes. She already felt crazy; she didn’t need to look crazy, too. 

“What?”

“Why did you say all those things at the jazz festival if you didn’t mean it?”

Ben’s mouth gaped as he took a step outside of his apartment and partially closed the door, leaving them in the hall. “Rey, of course, I meant it.”

Did he have someone in there with him? 

“Are you sure?” Rey looked pointedly at the door.

Ben frowned. “Rey, this isn’t a great time-”

Rey laughed. “No, it’s not a great time for any of us. I get it okay. You don’t have to like me just because you got me pregnant. But, you just can’t say shit to me you don’t mean. I let you in and you won’t even touch me. If I disgust you so badly, just fucking say something.”

“Rey, that’s not what,” He reached for her, but Rey shrunk back. “That’s… Maker. Can we talk somewhere else, please? Give me five minutes.”

Rey looked at the partly closed door again. “No, I don’t think-”

Before she could finish her sentence, the door swung open behind Ben to reveal a short woman with kind brown eyes and braided grey hair. She looked extremely put together in a dark lavender pantsuit and pearls. There was a strength and a power to her that Rey felt immediately. Ben looked between her and the woman with a pained expression. The woman cleared her throat. “Well, since it seems that Ben won’t make introductions for me, I’m assuming you must be Rey. You may call me Leia.”

Rey glanced at Ben. He’d never mentioned Leia to her. He looked equal parts bashful and annoyed. Rey took Leia’s extended hand. 

“I’m guessing my son hasn’t told you much about me.”

Oh, gods. This was Ben’s mother. She was meeting Ben’s mother. Who knew she was pregnant… Or at least, Rey was pretty sure the woman knew. It was a bit hard to be certain from Ben’s cryptic freak-out ramblings. Somewhere in there, he had mentioned “mom” and “pregnancy”. “No. Er. Not much.”

Leia raised a brow at Ben. “Well, I’ll get out of your hair. It seems that my son has some explaining to do. He gets that from his father.”

She paused and reached for Rey’s hands, taking them in her own. Rey was far too dumbfounded to do anything but let her. Kind, warm eyes met her own as Leia said earnestly, “If you ever need anything- anything at all- please reach out to me, dear.”

With a final squeeze of Rey’s hands, Leia winked and walked away down the hall, leaving the two of them alone. 

Ben stared down at his bare feet. Rey could feel her cheeks flooding from embarrassment. He shifted uncomfortably beside her before sighing. 

“Do you want to come in?”

Rey nodded and Ben let her pass into his condo. She didn’t know how long she’d be staying, so she kept her shoes on. Kept her bag in her hand. Ben would only try to let her down easy. It’s what she would do in his place. Best not to get comfortable. 

Ben closed the door behind him and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you want water?”

“No.” She should just go. She should have never come in the first place. Rey watched as Ben went to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of water. He drank it all in one gulp and went to pour another. 

Rey tried to take him in with clearer eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Paler. Just as pale has he had been on their date. Ben paced from the kitchen to the couch before nervously taking a seat and looking up at her. 

“What the hell is going on, Ben?”

“I need to call my therapist is what’s going on,” Ben laughed to himself painfully. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to do any of this.”

“Do you think I do?”

Ben looked up at her. All Rey could see was the pain and turmoil and fear in his eyes. “I’m sorry. You deserve better than this. Better than me.”

“I just want to know what’s happening. Please.” Rey had no clue where she stood with him. No idea how she felt for him. She only knew that it scared her how much she cared for Ben. It scared her to want to stay. She had left other people for less. She’d run from relationships- good relationships- for far less. One night with Ben and that had all changed.

“I wanted to kiss you. I still want to kiss you.” Ben’s eyes dropped from her eye to her lips to the floor. “I want to do a lot more than that if I’m honest.”

An electric spark shot straight to her core. 

_ Focus.  _

“Why didn’t you?”

“We promised to talk about it first.” Ben bit his lip. “ _ I _ wanted to talk about it first. Before we did anything else.”

“About what?” Rey focused on her breathing. Trying to steady herself and her damn hormones. 

“You know about what.” Ben’s eyes locked onto hers and Rey fought back a whimper. The D-word. The one part of that night that she had tried to block out from her fantasies. Right now it seemed less taboo and more like a curse. 

“That’s why you didn’t kiss me?” 

Ben nodded. “I didn’t lie, Rey. I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone. And it’s terrifying. I haven’t had panic attacks in years and now I’ve had three in less than one week.”

“Is that what happened at Maz’s?”

Ben closed his eyes, pained, before giving her a slight nod. “I was already stressed about the flowers and Maz and Emmie with the wine. My uncle was just kind of the cherry on top. I didn’t know he was teaching again.”

He fell quiet for a moment before his eyes opened and he took an interest in the lint on his pants. “I’m not good at relationships. Of any kind. I haven’t dated anyone in years which,” Ben laughed, “Is why the condoms were expired. Why we’re in this whole mess to begin with. It’s my fault and so far I only keep fucking it up.”

He ran his hands over his face and pressed his palms into his eyes. When he pulled his hands away, his eyes were rimmed with red like he was trying not to cry. 

Rey knew that to say he was doing okay would have been a lie; she also knew that she wasn’t doing any better. The panic and the surety and anger she had been feeling so strongly just moments ago were long gone. In their place was a heaping pile of regret and embarrassment. Had she really come barging in on him just because he didn’t kiss her? 

Ben looked up at her in surprise as she sat down beside him. “I’m not good at relationships either. Two of my closest friends still don’t know I’m pregnant. And one only knows because she’s a bloodhound for secrets. And they’re the three closest people to me I’ve  _ ever _ had.”

Ben laughed quietly with her. 

“I’m terrified every day. I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no one to talk to who understands what’s happening to me. When I’m not throwing up, I have to pee every ten minutes. My hormones make me feel like a crazy person,” Rey’s voice cracked and the mental damn holding her tears broke, “Who shows up at her baby daddy’s house to yell at him while his mother is  _ right there _ ? Which is just a fucking great first impression.”

“Very memorable, at least.”

Rey snorted and wiped at her tears with her shirt sleeve. “You’re an ass.”

“I know,” Ben whispered softly. “I know.”

When Rey looked up, Ben was already looking at her. She didn't give herself time to second guess herself before her lips gently pressed against his. Just for a second. A moment. The feeling of Ben’s skin lingered against hers.

There was barely a second’s pause before Ben’s lips met hers again. Soft and warm and inviting. Rey opened her mouth to him, reveling in the warmth of him. The taste of toothpaste and water was oddly sweet and refreshing. Ben’s hands threaded through her hair and pulled her closer. Maker, she missed those hands. 

Ben let out a groan that went straight to her gut. Rey wasted no time crawling into his lap. Her hands explored the cut of his jaw, the solid lines of his chest. Everything she hadn’t gotten the chance to enjoy the first time around. Her lips left his and she trailed kisses over his jaw and down his neck. Ben let out a strangled groan as she dropped her hips lower into his lap. 

“Sweetheart,” Ben breathed. “Still haven’t talked…”

“Talk later.” Rey wriggled her hips and sucked at Ben’s neck. In seconds, Ben had her in the air then laying on her back on the couch as he hovered over her. 

“Stay.” Ben challenged her. “Stay the night and don’t leave in the morning.”

Rey stared at him, heart pounding in her chest. Why was the thought so terrifying to her? Ben searched her face for her answer as he looked down at her. 

“Please.” 

She couldn’t bring herself to look at his eyes. She fiddled with the collar of his plain black shirt as he hovered over her, not moving. 

Something switched in him when he realized that his tactic wouldn’t work. His lips ghosted over her skin, nearly there but not close enough. She knew what he would do- tease her into oblivion until she gave in to his demands. 

“Say you’ll stay, Princess.”

It should be considered torture to have Ben so close to her but not touching her at all. His hands gently took hers and pressed them over her head. Heat pooled in her core as she whimpered and struggled to get closer to him. Though Ben wouldn’t let that happen. 

All she wanted was to feel Ben touch her again. But this was a part of the game they played between them. It was the wait that made the act all the more enticing. He knew how to push her to the point of giving in to what she wanted. What she never allowed herself to have. 

“Say it, sweetheart.”

Ben pressed one hot, open mouth kiss to her collar bone. A promise.

“I’ll stay.”

…

He could have a thousand years and still never have enough of her. Rey tasted of everything that was good in the world. Sweet honey and lemon and sunlight. Ben took special pride in torturing her. He’d do anything just to pull those soft, wanting whimpers from her lips. He’d kill just to see the fire in her eyes when he didn’t give her what she wanted.

Rey canted her hips beneath him, yearning for more. “I’ll stay. I’ll stay all night. Please, just-”

There was a time for playing games, but this was not one of those times. He wanted more than anything to please her, to let her know she was all he ever wanted ever again. He’d messed up and now it was time to make up for his mistakes.

Ben’s lips captured hers once more as he released her hands. 

All he wanted was to be close to Rey. All he wanted was to be inside of her. To drive out her worries from within. But it sure as hell wasn’t going to be on his couch that wasn’t even that comfortable. Without breaking from her, Ben lifted Rey off the couch. She shrieked and clung to him, laughing as he carried her to his bedroom. 

He forgot all about the mess of his room and the disaster of his bed until he set Rey down on top of it. 

“Sorry about the mess-”

“I don’t- I don’t care.” Rey’s fingers knotted in his shirt and pulled him down to her. She crushed her lips to his, desperately and all thought went out of his head. Ben groaned. He was already hard against her- had been since the couch. Maker, he just wanted friction and Rey supplied it, wrapping her legs around his hips and pulling him snug to her. He wondered if she would ever let him tie her down. 

“You’re perfect. You’re so fucking perfect.” He groaned as he rutted against her. He worked his hands beneath her shirt, pushing it over her head and unclasping her bra. “I love your tits. I love-”

_ Fuck.  _

Ben bit his tongue and occupied his mouth with one of her breasts. Her nipples hardened beneath his tongue and touch. Rey whimpered as she carded her hands through his hair. Ben gently pinched her nipple between his fingers and Rey’s hands made fists in his hair.  _ Fucking hell that felt good.  _ Ben groaned and she did it again. 

He broke away and found Rey grinning. 

“You like having your hair pulled?” Rey raised a playful brow. 

Ben narrowed his eyes. “Do I have to eat you out again until you beg? Because I can.  _ And I will.” _

Rey’s eyes widened as her cheeks flushed beautifully. He could see it in her face that she was remembering everything from that night. He saw a little bit of shock there as well. That’s why he wanted to talk before this. Maybe they could start now. 

“Did you think it wouldn’t be like that every time?” He asked softly.

Rey’s breath hitched as he pressed his lips to her stomach and began slowly trailing hot, open mouth kisses lower and lower. 

“Did you think I would ever let you walk away without cumming first?”

He got to the top of her shorts and slowly undid the button. 

“Did you think I would ever let you think you were nothing? No one?”

Rey was putty in his hands as he slipped her shorts down her legs. Ben threw them to the side and settled down between her legs. Rey whimpered as he kissed her thighs. He could see a wet patch forming on her panties and wanted nothing more than to bury his face there again. It had been far too long since he had tasted her. 

“You’re not nothing. You’re not no one. Not to me, princess.”

A sharp gasp escaped Rey’s lips as he pressed his mouth to her center, nuzzling over her clit through the cloth. 

“Take them off. Take them off, please, take them off.” Rey grasped at the bed. With the pillows behind her, Ben knew she was unable to do anything but watch him between her legs. Ben peered up at her, grinning. Rey scowled, but there was something else there. Something softer. 

Ben pulled the gusset of her panties aside and licked hot and slow up her slit. She tasted just as sweet as he remembered. Rey’s head dropped back as a curse fell from her lips. It took everything in him to not just give in to her right there. He wanted her to see how much he wanted her. 

“Look at me,” Ben whispered. 

Rey froze. He knew he was pushing a boundary with her, but she could handle it. He knew she could. 

“Rey, look at me.”

Her head slowly lifted, her eyes not quite meeting his. She worried at her kiss-worked lip with her teeth. He could see the battle within her, how much effort it took to just look him in the eye like this. To show him a side of her he was sure she’d never shown anyone. He didn’t feel like he deserved it, but Ben was selfish enough to hope for it anyway. 

Rey’s eyes met his, worried and trusting. 

He held her gaze as a rush of emotions filled his chest and threatened to combust. Anything she asked of him, he would give it to her. 

Rey’s eyes never left him as Ben lowered his head and pressed his lips to her core. He lapped at her like a man starved for water. He hadn’t forgotten all the things she liked from the first night. In fact, he was sure they were seared into his memory forever. He could feel her building beneath him as her body tensed. Her hands reached out and he caught them in his, holding her down, pulling her closer as she strained against his mouth. 

“Want you.” Rey tugged at his hands trying to pull him up to her. She let go and pulled at his shirt. “Want you in me, please.”

He couldn’t say no to that. She was so close and Ben knew once he was in her he wouldn’t last long. He sat up and shucked his shirt, reaching for the drawer at his bedside. He had bought a new box before their date. Stupidly. Hopefully. Rey caught his arm, stopping him. “Are you sure?”

Rey flushed beautifully. “Yeah. Not like anything can really happen, now.”

Ben froze and looked at Rey. Her eyes grew wide.  _ Well, she isn’t wrong.  _ Ben laughed. Where the hell did Rey come from? Where had she been all his life? He dove to capture her lips and Rey opened for him, a smile on her face. He chased her tongue with his own as Rey’s hands pushed down the waistband of his sweatpants. His cock sprang free, hard and leaking, and he groaned as Rey’s hand wrapped around his length. He almost came right there with a high-pitched whine. She lined him up with her center and Ben pulled himself away from her lips to search her face. 

Permission. He wanted permission. 

Rey nodded. “Just go slow.”

Ben let out a breath and pressed forward, sinking slowly into her heat. Rey arched beneath him, her hands coming up to cling to him. 

“Fuck, sweetheart. You’re so good.” Rey took him to the hilt, gasping beneath him. He pulled out slowly almost to the tip before pressing in again, just as slow. Rey’s legs wrapped around his hips once more, urging him faster. Ben grunted as he sped up, the electric tension at his groin grew with each thrust. Rey clung to him, moving with each thrust, breathless little moans coming muffled against his shoulder. 

He was so close. So, so close. 

Rey fluttered around him, her back arching to press against him. His hand found its way to her clit, rubbing in those hard circles he knew she liked. 

“Ben,” Rey gasped. “Daddy, I’m gunna-”

“Fuck. Let go, sweetheart. Let go. Cum for me, baby.”

Rey came with a shout. Her nails dug into his back as she trembled and arched beneath him. She clenched around his length as he drove her through her orgasm. A moment later, blinding white, heat erupted through him and Ben was coming, too. 

He collapsed down over Rey, barely holding himself up to not crush her. Rey gasped for breath beneath him, all the tension gone from her body. Ben pressed his lips to her neck and kissed down across her collar bone. He wanted to touch every part of her, leave no part unloved. Ben could feel himself softening within her, but he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t think he ever could. 

“I want you. I want everything to do with you.” Ben whispered against her soft skin. “I never want to give you up… Never want to let you down-”

“Don’t you dare Rick Roll me right now, Ben Solo. I  _ can  _ and  _ will _ slash the tires of the First Order.” 

He grinned a shit-eating grin and pulled away to see the humored look in Rey’s eyes. He kissed her once more. Rey ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer. Ben moaned into her mouth before growling and pulling away from her. “Talk first.”

Rey scrunched her nose. How was she so beautiful?

“I mean it.” Ben dropped his head to suck a mark against her collar bone. “I want you. I know I fucked up… But I want this to work.”

He lifted his head to look into her eyes, to watch her face as she processed. After a moment, Rey nodded. “Talk first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!!!
> 
> Not really. I couldn't resist. :D
> 
> This was my first time writing smut from the AMAB perspective... It was challenging surprisingly. So um... Be kind <3 
> 
> I'm still on the fence about how I feel about this chapter as a whole. I feel like Rey is going through a lot and it takes a lot for her to open up even just a little bit to people. So even when there are just normal "micro rejections" she builds them up in her head. Trust me- stress and hormones can make your brain think horrible things. I'm worried it will come off as "she's just being crazy" but maybe that's my internalized misogyny speaking. She's freaked out just as much as Ben. She just shows it differently. 
> 
> Food for thought I guess. 
> 
> Thank you abakerstrilogyhas4books for being an amazing beta :) 
> 
> Housekeeping! (roars)
> 
> I may or may not be posting next week. I've been living the stressed-out adhd-struggle life and concentrating has been near impossible. If you want to hear more about my struggles, check out my [Tumblr.](https://midnightartemis.tumblr.com/) I reblog a lot of Reylo/Mandalorian content and post about writing and mental health. I would love for you to drop by!
> 
> [I'll come back later](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space momma and space daddy finally have a little talk :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a story about a dog attack. The details are not graphic but may be upsetting to some.
> 
> Also, there are references to Rey's childhood abuse.

Talking first, it turns out, was easier said than done. Now that Ben had his taste of her, all he wanted was nothing more than to taste Rey again. Rey, it turned out, was of the same mind. She pushed him to take a shower first, only to follow him straight into said shower. When Rey went to wash his hair for him, the idea to  _ talk first _ had devolved fairly quickly. 

He never thought hair pulling would be a part of his kinks. But, if he was being honest, anything Rey did to him was a part of his kinks. 

Right. Talking. 

Which he should have started out with. He really should have. It was in every single relationship book ever that communication was key. He and Rey had never been good at that. They were both willing to try. At least he hoped that was true. 

So often he had tried to move forward in a relationship only to have the person realize they never wanted him like that. They only wanted a good lay. Or it took them far too long to figure out how fucked up in the head he could be. After his uncle and Snoke… Ben had given up on ever trying to find someone. Until Rey. Every mistake brought them closer instead of pushing them away. 

Not that he wanted to keep making mistakes. 

Still, somehow all of his mistakes had brought him to this moment with Rey sitting on his couch in his t-shirt and sweatpants with a cup of tea in her hands. He had placed her there after the shower and told her to find something good on Netflix while he cooked the two of them dinner. 

Ben grinned as he heard British voices announcing the newest season of  _ The Great British Baking Show.  _

Rey blushed sheepishly when she caught him smiling at her. “The new season just came out… I’ve been a little obsessed, okay?”

“It’s cute.”

Rey’s blush reddened. 

As he prepared garlic for roasting, he noticed Rey eyeing Kylo’s cage a few every once in a while. He could hear the dog shuffling around and knew Kylo was restless. Ben hadn’t meant for him to be in the cage for so long today. But between his mother and Rey, there was no chance for Kylo to come out like normal. 

He caught Rey looking at the cage once more. “I’ll take him out while the potatoes and garlic are roasting.”

He turned to grab the potatoes from his pantry. Chicken and potatoes had seemed like a good place to start. Maybe throw in some seasoned and steamed asparagus. He didn’t know how Rey’s stomach was feeling today. Though, Ben supposed he could just ask. 

“Hey, how’s your-” Ben walked out of his pantry and froze. Panic clenched at his lungs. All he saw was Rey reaching for the bars of Kylo’s cage. Then… Darkness. 

...

Rey had never felt more relaxed than she did on Ben’s couch. Her favorite show played on his ridiculously oversized TV. The smell of garlic wafted through the air. Ben was cooking her dinner. He was cooking for her. 

She had offered to help him and he had looked almost offended. He wanted to make her something, so Rey let it be. She was too caught up in her post-orgasm relaxation to argue. 

Her eyes kept going to the covered kennel sitting in the corner of the living room. Ben had said that Kylo didn’t like strangers, but she felt sorry for Kylo having to stay in the kennel just because she was there. 

She couldn’t help but wonder if there was a way to introduce herself to the dog without spooking it. A few of her neighbors growing up had big, scary dogs. So, she knew, mostly in theory, how to approach a dog and not set it off. 

Ben disappeared into his pantry and without really thinking much more about it, Rey slipped off the couch. She didn’t even know what Kylo looked like. It could be a chihuahua for all she knew. Rey tucked away the thought of Ben with an angry chihuahua in his arms for future entertainment.

Curiosity getting the better of her, Rey picked up the edge of the blanket covering the kennel and looked beneath it. Two amber eyes looked back at her from one of the largest dogs she had ever seen. The black fur of his face was bisected by a long white scar from its brow all the way to his chest. He sniffed the air and pressed his nose to the bars of its cage. Rey carefully lifted her hand, palm down and turned her eyes away, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Her hand was only halfway to the bars when a hoarse shout came from across the apartment. Large hands ripped her away from the cage. 

“Ben, what the hell!”

Ben’s chest heaved. His eyes were wild as he searched her over. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

“Ben-”

Ben’s hands landed on her biceps and gripped her tight. “Don’t go anywhere near him, okay? Don’t touch the cage. Don’t touch the blanket.”

“Let go of me.”

Ben looked down at his hands like he hadn’t even been aware he was holding on to her. His hands instantly fell away as he stepped back. A chaotic mess of pain and fear rolled off of him as he moved towards the couch. Ben’s head dropped into his hands. 

Rey took a step back and rubbed at her wrists where he had grabbed at her. In the kennel beside her, Kylo growled. Rey moved away from that, backing up until she hit the window. 

The noise jarred Ben enough to look up at her. “Rey-”

Ben stood, reaching for her. Rey flinched before cursing at herself. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered hoarsely. “Rey, I would never- Never.”

Rey nodded slowly. She believed him. It was an old reaction of hers, one she had thought she had gotten over. She even let Poe and Finn give her random hugs. “What happened? With Kylo?” 

“The last time someone else touched Kylo, they ended up in the hospital. Nearly died.” Ben sat back down on the couch. She could tell he was trying to gain control of his breathing again. Was he having another panic attack?

Rey approached the couch slowly and sat down on the end opposite Ben. He swallowed and glanced at her. 

“I got Kylo a little while after… After the Luke incident. He’d been in a dogfighting ring. When the rescue brought him in, he had nearly been beaten to death. They nursed him back to health only to find out he was extremely dog and human aggressive. He was on death row when I found him. No one wanted me to take him, but…”

“He needed you.”

Ben nodded. “And I needed him. We were both so broken. It took years to win him over. To gain his trust. Things were going so well. My parents and I were finally talking again. They invited me out to the farm and I brought Kylo. I thought I could introduce Kylo to them slowly. That he’d like the chance to run around without a leash for once. But my dad didn’t understand that Kylo’s not like a regular dog.”

Tears raced down Ben’s cheeks. It pained her to see him hurting so much. All she wanted to do was make it stop. 

“There was blood everywhere. I had to pull Kylo off my dad. Had to stand between Kylo and the cops while they threatened to shoot him. It wasn’t Kylo’s fault. He didn’t understand that my dad was only trying to play. My dad didn’t understand that Kylo would get scared. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine.”

Ben choked on a sob. His whole body shook as he struggled to breathe. It was painful to watch. 

“I have nightmares that I’ll lose control of Kylo. That he’ll kill someone or get killed. But I can’t get rid of him. He’s…” Ben looked up at the dog pacing in the kennel. “He was the only one I had for a long time.”

“It’s not your fault, Ben. It was an accident.” 

Ben laughed like he didn’t believe her and hated himself for it. Rey moved closer to Ben on the couch until her thigh brushed against his. She threaded her fingers between his and Ben took a deep shuddering breath. 

“I’m sorry I grabbed you. I- I just-” 

He didn’t have to explain to her. Rey squeezed his hand and brought Ben’s knuckles to her lips. 

“If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I would do. I can’t risk Kylo getting scared and hurting you or...” Ben’s eyes flickered to her stomach, but he didn’t say it aloud. 

It took a moment for Rey to realize that it was all interconnected in Ben’s head. Kylo. Her. The baby.  _ Possible baby _ , she reminded herself. It wouldn’t work. Whatever was happening between them wouldn’t work as long as Kylo was around. And she was not about to ask Ben to give Kylo up. 

“I want to meet him.”

“No.” Ben shook his head. “No way. Did you not hear a single thing I just said?”

“I did. And I want to meet him. Not tonight,” she added, “Some other time. On your terms.”

Ben gritted his teeth, working his jaw before he finally seemed to realize what Rey was trying to offer him. A path forward. He nodded. “You’ll do everything I say?”

“Down to the letter,” she promised. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben whispered with a soft laugh. “I’m a mess. Everything changing so quickly.”

“I know.” She could hardly believe it herself. Just a few short weeks ago, yelling at Ben in the park’s parking lot had been one of her favorite pastimes. Now she was on his couch, listening to him as he told her his biggest fears, and debating what might be the biggest decision of her life. “I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier. You didn’t deserve that. I’m not innocent in this either. I should have just talked to you, but I freaked out when you didn’t reply.”

“Reply?” Ben frowned. 

“Yeah, I texted you. A few nights ago.”

“You did?” Ben looked completely shocked. He stood and grabbed his phone from the kitchen counter. Rey watched with a little smile on her face as Ben scowled at the screen. After a minute, he set the phone down, exasperated. “I hate technology.”

“Are all the apps hard for you, Grandpa?”

Ben shot her a look that could knock a moose over. He muttered something that sounded like  _ damn millennials _ and Rey smirked. Rey watched him carefully as he picked up the potatoes he dropped and began prepping them. Ben was just trying to keep it together, his breaths heavy and unsure. When he picked up a knife with shaking hands, Rey pushed herself off the couch to help. 

He let her take the knife from his shaking hands, sighing as she ran her free hand comfortingly down his back and moved in front of him. Rey faced the counter and Ben leaned into her, hugging her from behind. “How would you like them prepared?”

“Medium dice, please.”

Rey wiggled in his arms. “Yes, Chef.”

Ben made a pained groan. “I thought I was grandpa.”

“No, you’re daddy.” The words fly out of her mouth before she can filter them. She can’t help but internally cringe while feeling herself get wet again. Ben only laughed low in his chest. She could feel the vibration as he stood behind her. His lips brushed against the curve of her ear. 

“Yes, I am.” Ben purred.

Rey bit her lip. A war raged inside her fought on three sides- jumping back into bed with Ben, talking (whatever that entailed), and eating food. Ben chose for her, moving away to take care of the garlic and whatever else he was working on. She bit back a whimper at the loss of contact and tried to turn her focus to cutting potatoes. 

Rey was good with a knife- great even. And with Ben’s knives, which were hundreds if not thousands of dollars and well taken care of, it should have taken seconds. It’s impossible to line up her cuts though when her thoughts are consumed by just how good his hands between her thighs would feel right then. He could take her on the counter right there. Hold her down while he had his way with her. Until there were bruises on her hips from the counter’s edge. 

“What are you thinking about, princess?”

_ Fucking hell.  _ It was like he could read her mind. 

“Nothing.” Rey finished cutting the last potato and set the knife down out of harm's way. The moment her fingers left the handle, Ben’s hands were on her again. 

_ Damn him. Damn him and his OSHA safety.  _

Ben tsked. “Someone’s distracted. I know for a fact your dicing skills better than a third grader’s.”

“Like you’ve ever seen a third-grader cutting potatoes.” Rey whimpered as Ben’s hands slipped beneath the hem of her oversized borrowed shirt and trailed up to cup her tits. 

“I was julienne-ing carrots for my lunches by third grade.” Ben squeezed her tits and rolled her nipples between his fingers as he trailed hot kisses up her neck. He pressed her against the counter and all she could feel was his hot length against her back. 

“Maker, you’re so fucking pretentious.”

Ben laughed. 

_ Fuck him.  _

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it, princess.”

“Don’t call me princess.”

Ben paused in his ministrations and Rey whined, pushing back into him. She could hear him thinking. She didn’t want him thinking. She wanted him  _ doing _ . 

“Do you really want me to stop calling you princess, Rey?”

The sound of her name pulled Rey out of her lust just enough to know Ben was genuinely asking. There was a hint of worry in his voice. Insecurity. Ben’s hands slipped out from under her shirt as Rey turned in his arms. She bit her lip. 

Did she?

The short answer was no. The long answer was also no, but with more uncertainty. 

Why was this so hard for her to answer?

She liked it when he called her princess in that deep voice of his. She liked that it annoyed her- that he annoyed her. She liked telling him not to call her princess and him doing it anyway. It made her want to fight him and kiss him all at once. 

“No.” Rey finally answered. She forced herself to look up and lost herself in Ben’s patient eyes. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Maybe a smirk was a better term. Something between a smile and a smirk. There was hunger there and maybe… Affection. 

Rey’s gut fluttered and she looked away quickly. 

“No, what, Rey?”

“No, I don’t want you to stop. Even if I tell you to. I-” Rey scrunched her nose. “I like when you call me princess and I hate it, too. It’s- It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, Rey,” Ben said gently. “Nothing you could ever tell me is stupid.”

Rey looked up again at Ben’s soft eyes. How could one man be so caring and genuine? How had she gone her whole life without this? “Is this talking?”

Ben laughed. “Yeah, I think this is talking.”

Rey chewed at her lip. She wasn’t good at this. But she wanted things to be okay between them. “And it’s… It’s okay that I called you… The 'd' word?”

“It’s more than okay. I like it a lot, actually.”

“It’s just-” 

_ Fucking hell. Why can’t I just-  _

“It’s kinky. Right? It’s-”

She’s fucking this up. She’s fucking everything right down the drain. Rey could feel her frustrated tears burning in her eyes. It was getting hard to breathe. 

But then Ben’s hands were there gently pressing down on her shoulders and forcing her to look at him. “Take a deep breath. With me.”

Rey took a deep shuddering breath as her tears raced down her face. Ben took another exaggerated breath and Rey tried her best to follow along. A laugh bubbled out of her, ugly and embarrassed. “Maker. Fucking hell. Can I just get through one night without crying?”

“It’s okay to cry.” Ben motioned to his own red eyes in proof. “I can get you some onions if you want an excuse.”

That’s all it takes to push her over. She’s laughing and crying and pregnant and nothing was the same. Everything had changed and all she fucking wanted was to be held by Ben. 

So, Rey leaned forward, closing the space between them, and slipped her arms around Ben’s waist. Ben wrapped his arms around her. His gentle lips pressed kisses to her still-damp hair. 

“No one… No one’s ever treated me the way you do.” It’s not perfect. It doesn’t sum up everything she’s feeling but it's all she can muster. “I don’t know what this is but I want it.”

“It’s just us,” Ben whispered against her skin. “That’s all it has to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all :)
> 
> It's been a rough few weeks. Depression and anxiety have been kicking my ass. I probably won't be posting as often, but I'll try to keep the *next upload* note up to date. Chapter Twelve is nearly done at least :)
> 
> If you're struggling right now, I love you and, as Rey would say, you're not alone. 
> 
> Hit me up with those comments- I love seeing them.
> 
> And as always- Follow Me On [Tumblr](https://midnightartemis.tumblr.com/)


End file.
